While washing dishes, I feel her come up from behind. After Paula nestles my neck, she grabs my hand, turns me around and we begin dancing to the tune in her head. Then she begins to sing, leaving me to wonder if it was a real song or something she was creating. Paula loved to dance and sing. On our wedding night, we danced to nearly every song played. Paula's wish for everyone was, "When you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance," just like the LeAnn Rimes song.The night we celebrated the life of Candy Parker, Paula's fishing and baseball buddy, Paula was called to Buff Carmichael's home. Another prominent LGBTQ community member was losing his life, and Paula answered the call to serve communion to Buff and to pray with him during his final hours. It was her personal honor to fulfill one of Buff's last wishes.
As part of the Heartland Metropolitan Community Church care team, Paula was contacted to pray for and with others prior to surgeries and during emergencies and sickness, sometimes to the detriment of her own health.
Amanda Kemper-Spoor, Paula's best friend and team member, said, "People always called Paula so much that I rarely went to the hospital. Paula had a way with her words to provide comfort and guidance. When people had problems, they would go to her to get advice; sometimes they didn't like what she had to say, but they knew it was for their best interest."
Paula also served Heartland in many other capacities, including filling the pulpit when the pastor was absent.
Prior to HMCC, Paula attended First Church of the Brethren and participated in the adult Sunday school. Dick Taylor remembers Paula's generosity of spirit and how he "appreciated her because she would always pick me up spiritually." Dick said, "Despite all the things that were wrong with her medically, she would be optimistic." According to Dick, he thought of Paula as a real prayer warrior and remembers Paula saying, "I'll pray for anybody." Additionally, when Paula filled the Brethren pulpit, he remembered she had great joy in her heart when she preached. Dick said he loved her dearly and misses her.
Paula was also involved in the Coalition of Rainbow Alliances. She was the first female to serve on the CORAL board, initially as a member-at-large before being named vice-president her last term. "If there was one thing that Paula was best at it, it was transparency," said CORAL president Brian Sylvester. "I honestly believe that Paula prided herself on always being upfront and blunt with friends so they knew exactly how she felt about them and any issue that might arise. On the other hand, Paula was also a very compassionate person as well. If anyone needed anything, she would be there for them, even if it was simply sitting by their side providing moral support. But, for me personally, Paula was a friend that I will never forget."
On Aug. 13, 2021, Paula and I met Dusty Rhodes in the most unusual way when a hit-and-run driver ran over Dusty and her dog, Rosie, resulting in Rosie's death and Dusty being seriously injured. Paula called 911, trying to keep Dusty as calm as possible, directing me to find Rosie and controlling the accident scene until first responders arrived. For days, Paula prayed for Dusty and finally got to talk with Dusty weeks later. Paula had hoped to meet Dusty again under better circumstances. When Paula passed away, Dusty texted me, saying "I wish I'd had a chance to meet Paula (vertically). I'm glad I got to speak to her on the phone, though." When told of Paula's praying for her, Dusty said, "That's probably why I'm mostly OK. Makes me want to believe she's meeting Rosie." I officially met Dusty at Paula's visitation.
While Paula didn't have any biological children, she helped to raise and influence both of our nieces and nephews. Great-niece Emily Catalano-Kemper remembers her aunt as always being available to discuss any problem or celebrate any achievement. She said, "Aunt Paula may tell you something you might not want to hear, but it was always the best for you. I will always appreciate everything she did for me."
Paula was also a co-parent to two "sons" and Nana to four grandsons. Richard Preston, a retired U.S. Navy Commander, said at Paula's celebration of life service, "I wouldn't be the man I am today if it wasn't for PawPaw," his nickname for Paula.
As Paula's spouse for 23 years, there are so many memories and heartaches we experienced together. Whether it was holding our baby girl, Emily, at 4 minutes old, Paula finally seeing a Cubs World Series Championship or getting the devastating news that her liver was being destroyed by rheumatoid arthritis and the drugs she had to take to combat it, we tried our best to handle it as a team. Until we meet again, much love, my love.
