Dickie Roberts Former
Child Star
In his early 30s Dickie Roberts (David Spade) is at the end of his
rope. Once the child all America loved, thanks to a wildly successful sitcom
and a catch phrase on par with Gary Coleman’s “What you talkin’ about?”, Dickie
has hit rock bottom. Now parking cars and appearing in celebrity boxing matches
(Emmanuel Lewis of Webster cleans Dickie’s clock), he’s waiting for a
happy ending so he can cash in on his autobiography. Hearing that director Rob
Reiner’s next film has a role in it that could resurrect his career, Dickie
lands a meeting. Unfortunately for Dickie, the part requires someone who had
a normal childhood.
To experience the childhood he never had, Dickie runs an ad in search of a
normal family he can live with. George (Craig Bierko), a slimy car salesman
who doesn’t realize how good he has it–he has a nice suburban home, a beautiful,
kind wife (Mary McCormack), and two smart, healthy kids (Scott Terra and Jenna
Boyd)–jumps at the chance and invites Dickie to move in.
At first, George’s family treats Dickie coldly. But Dickie soon dispenses
with some bullies who’ve been picking on George’s son, Sam. George’s daughter,
Sally, comes around when Dickie helps her with cheerleading try-outs. And what
does the down-and-out thespian get in return? He learns some bike tricks, hangs
out in a tree house, and is taught to use a “Slip and Slide” properly. And when
we learn that George’s wife, Grace, is lonely, we can see where her relationship
with Dickie is headed.
There are laughs, but not nearly enough of them. Especially awkward is the
mixture of crude, hard-edged comedy and Capracorn sweetness. The film does prove
genuinely amusing when actual former child stars pop up and hobnob with Dickie.
A late-night poker game with Barry Williams (Greg from The Brady Bunch),
Danny Bonaduce (Danny from The Partridge Family), Corey Feldman (Stand
by Me), and Dustin Diamond (Skreech from Saved by the Bell) is very
amusing but much too brief.
The film is a groaner at times, but be advised to stay until the credits when
former child stars perform a “We Are the World”-style rant.
(Running time 1:39, rated PG-13)
Grade C
Parkway Pointe
What other critics are saying . . .
American Wedding A comic weekend wedding, complete with bachelor party.
“The grossest, least funny–and, here’s hoping, the last–installment in the American
Pie series.” (Manhola Dargis, Los Angeles Times) Parkway Pointe,
Showplace
Bad Boys II Two cops in Miami uncover some funny business. “Could be
the most vile creation to come out of Hollywood since Patch Adams.” (Ed
Gonzalez, Slant Magazine) Chuck Koplinski’s grade: F. Route 66 Drive
In
Bruce Almighty Jim Carrey is granted sovereignty over his hometown
by God. “A smart, surprisingly thought-through blockbuster, with a decent grasp
of the theological implications of its idea.” (Nev Pierce, BBCi) “A fable overwhelmed
by special effects and outsized spectacle.” (Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times)
Esquire
Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle The crime-fighting trio returns. “One
of the most exhausting good-time movies ever made. As insistent as it is skillful–and
it is very skillful–it does all it can to pound you into enjoying yourself.”
(Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times) “Angels is so much like a feature-length
cartoon that you may find yourself sitting through the end credits waiting to
see who provided the voices for the, if you’ll pardon the expression, characters.”
(Elvis Mitchell, New York Times) Chuck grade: F. Esquire
Freaky Friday Remake of 1976 comedy in which a mother and daughter
switch identities. “A funny, shrewd, no-bull family comedy.” (Lisa Schwarzbaum,
Entertainment Weekly) Showplace, White Oaks
Freddy Vs. Jason Horror sequels merge. “A tediously ghastly genre pic.”
(Steven Rea, Philadelphia Inquirer) “The action is lovingly lurid, and
the laughs keep coming.” (Bruce Westbrook, Houston Chronicle) Chuck’s
grade: C. Parkway Pointe, Showplace
The Italian Job Remake of 1969 caper movie. “This is a snazzy piece
of filmmaking: fluid but wittily syncopated; stylish without appearing to expend
undue effort.” (David Edelstein, Slate) “Don’t expect much more . . . than a
pleasant workout.” (David Denby, The New Yorker) Parkway Pointe
Jeepers Creepers II A monster stalks high schoolers. “A limp sequel.”
(Gary Dowell, Dallas Morning News) “The new JC is more consistent and
efficient than the first, with classier monster effects, but less compellingly
weird.” (Bob Campbell, Newark Star-Ledger) Showplace, White Oaks
Johnny English Spy spoof with Rowan Atkinson. “Smug with timely zingers
like ‘The only thing the French should be allowed to host is an invasion,’ the
movie’s recommended strictly for Bush advisers.” (Jessica Winter, Village
Voice) “A likeable parody that, while never quite as side-splitting as it
thinks it is, still contains a good number of well-worked comic set-pieces.”
(Neil Smith, BBCi) Chuck’s grade: B. Route 66 Drive In
Le Divorce Two American women are taken advantage of in France. “A
modern-day Merchant Ivory film, one of those blurry anachronistic duds.” (Owen
Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly). “Ivory’s direction is so polished
and smooth and full of smart observations that I never found my attention lagging.”
(Edward Guthmann, San Francisco Chronicle) Chuck’s grade: C+. White
Oaks
Matrix: Reloaded Reality against computer simulations in a future world. “What the film lacks, among other things, is anything truly human. The planed,
pristine features of Keanu Reeves seem as computer-generated as the creatures
he fights.” (Phillip French, The Observer) “A relentless love of movies,
junk-food mythology, and thoughtful reimagining of a future endangered by mass
consumption . . . makes for a heady and unusual mix.” (Elvis Mitchell, New
York Times) Chuck’s grade: C. Esquire
The Medallion Jackie Chan action. “Chan’s normally homegrown stuntwork
is replaced by a lot of wire fighting and special effects.” (Matt Bonesteel,
Washington Post) “A disposable entertainment, redeemed by silliness,
exaggeration, and Chan’s skill and charm.” (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times)
Chuck’s grade: C. White Oaks
My Boss’s Daughter A guy dates his boss’s daughter. “It is a genial
youth comedy that serves Ashton Kutcher well as a vehicle. That’s it. That’s
all it tries to be.” (Kevin Crust, Los Angeles Times) “Three-year-old,
brain-dead variant of Risky Business.” (Lou Lumenick, New York Post)
Marty McKee’s grade: D+. Parkway Pointe
Open Range Western about cowboys fighting a greedy capitalist. “A ponderous
drag.” (A.O. Scott, New York Times) “A juicy, character-driven western
with a real plot that spins a hypnotic narrative.” (Rex Reed, New York Observer)
Chuck’s grade: B+. Showplace, White Oaks
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Johhny Depp
is a pirate. “The most high-flying, jaw-dropping special effect of the
summer is . . . Johnny Depp.” (Ty Burr, Boston Globe) Chuck’s grade:
B+. Parkway Pointe, Showplace
Seabiscuit The horse, its jockey, and the men who made them famous.
“A Depression underdog saga, the movie also is standout alternative programming
to an oft-deadly sequel summer.” (Mike Clark, USA Today) Chuck’s grade:
A. Parkway Pointe
Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over “Frontrunner for 2003’s most mindless and physically
offensive movie-going experience.” (Nicholas Schager, Slant) “The Spy
Kids movies have allowed [director Robert] Rodriguez to exercise his playful
muscles, and the new one is no exception.” (Mark Caro, Chicago Tribune)
Chuck’s grade: B+. White Oaks
S.W.A.T. Film version of the old television show. “Best suited for
audiences who don’t mind being pummeled into submission.” (Michael Wilmington,
Chicago Tribune) “Offers up the kind of pleasures that only a summer
movie can.” (Michael O’Sullivan, Washington Post) Parkway Pointe
28 Days Later A virus creates a world of zombies, except for the few
people on the run. “Director Danny Boyle, back in Trainspotting
form, puts real zip in the zombie step. These buggers snap to at the scent of
human flesh and take you down like a stealth bomber.” (Peter Travers, Rolling
Stone) “A gory, depressing affair that bears an ultra-Darwinian message
in its blood-stained hands.” (Philip French, The Observer) Chuck’s grade:
C. Esquire
Uptown Girls Snobby young woman takes care of cute little girl. “There’s
nothing wrong with Uptown Girls that not seeing it won’t fix.” (Stephen
Hunter, Washington Post). “[A] standard variation of the princess myth.”
(Stephen Holden, New York Times) Showplace
This article appears in Sep 4-10, 2003.
