Ever since Alternative Celebrations launched its radical (as in root), gift giving approach in the 1970s, thoughtful authors have offered tips, craft instructions and recipes to make holidays in general, and gift giving in particular, less materialistic and more meaningful. I welcome their voices on the subject.
The kind act of expressing affection and appreciation can be complicated by attitudes of the giver and the receiver, notions that more gifts mean more love, budget constraints, social responsibility, guilt, a desire for less clutter and other conflicting attitudes.
Is there a way to steer a family’s gift traditions through the narrow channel between “I gave This Special Charity a gift in your name” and “Here are seven assorted things I wrapped up for your special day”? Yes, there is. With Mother’s Day behind us and Father’s Day approaching, here are some ways to set a meaningful, memorable course.
Set the stage
Going from buying as usual to a more shared experience needs a conversation. Starting with an adult’s special day can make this go more smoothly. “This year, I’d like for us to. …” Then listen for responses, talk it over and make a plan together. It might be that there can be one thoughtful present, and then a meal the family makes together, or a movie everyone saves time to share with snacks, and a walk in the park. Make it special and the idea will catch on.
Gift buying
In my family, no one discussed wish lists, so everyone received things that were nice, but often wound up in a drawer someplace. My extended married family happily sneaked around gathering everyone’s exact wish lists arranged by affordability, and gift opening was a joy for everyone. This is the way to go. Take the time to find out what will please someone, and do that.
In the process, everyone should consider budgets. Going into debt over a present ruins the fun the day after. A rose bush planted in the garden will cost less and last longer than a dozen cut roses year after year.
Homemade treasures
We’ve come a long way from the yarn-wrapped soup can pencil holder of my childhood. Families who establish traditions of giving handmade presents make memories, and anyone with Internet access can find hundreds of manageable ideas for everyone in the family. Does someone like kaleidoscopes, hand-painted glass candle holders, wind chimes, miniature Zen sand gardens? Make it personal.
All efforts welcome
Embrace the creative process and don’t be put off by the “Nailed it!” craze on Pinterest. Maybe this is an opportunity to learn a new skill, maybe even develop a new hobby. A simple embroidery project is inexpensive and lovely. The same goes for starting a bonsai tree, turning a pen and planting a small herb garden. Each one of these projects is associated with a local club whose members will be happy to help get you started. Who knows? Today’s Father’s Day present may be next year’s fifth grade how-to speech.
Share an event
Time together is the greatest gift of all. A concert or trip can be wonderful if the budget allows. A homegrown arts event or trip to the park can be just as fun. Put a special, thoughtful, handmade greeting card with it as the keepsake for the day.
After once taking a short, inexpensive trip to the river for bird-watching with my son for my birthday, I began a tradition of going bird-watching with him somewhere new each year. These days, we just have to select a convenient date and place to celebrate.
Say thank you
If it’s a handmade treasure, or whatever it is, whoever prepared and presented it, say thank you. Express gratitude for the generosity of spirit and the hands that made it, and find a place of pride to display it. If it’s an event you’ve shared, be specific about the fun you had, and write a thank you note for the memory you made together. When someone has put heart into your present, a heartfelt thank you is the perfect ending to the perfect present.
Sixteen years ago, Capital City Parent contributor DiAnne Crown received her first handmade paper flower from her four-year-old son. It, and all that have followed each year, are gift favorites.
This article appears in Capital City Parent May 2016.
