Part Mermaids, part The Parent Trap, and all mess, The Perfect Man is one of the most annoying, lame-brained romantic comedies
to be released in many a moon. Not only is the plot so silly that the Three
Stooges would have rejected it, Perfect Man expects audiences to accept a circumstance
that’s too fantastic to be believed, namely that Heather Locklear
can’t seem to find a date. Yeah, right.
The still-fetching Ms. Locklear, who at 44 can still
turn more than a few heads, stars as Jean Hamilton, a woman with a very bad
habit: Not only does she have a penchant for choosing losers for
boyfriends, but she also has a bad habit of packing up and leaving town
whenever one dumps her, which they all do. This wouldn’t be so bad if
she were alone, but her gypsy lifestyle has had a profound effect on her
two daughters, Holly (Hilary Duff) and Zoe (Aria Wallace).
Having just been jilted by the latest Mr. Wrong, Jean
moves her family to New York City. Jean gets a job at a bakery, where
she’s fully in her element, elaborately decorating cakes. Holly,
meanwhile, tries to fit in at the local high school. Hoping to give her
mother a bit of hope and perhaps dissuade her from letting her addlebrained
co-worker Lenny (Mike O’Malley) into their lives, Holly begins
sending flowers and cards, ostensibly from a secret admirer, to her mother.
Of course this person doesn’t exist, but the young lady gets advice
on what to put on the cards from Ben (Chris Noth), the uncle of a
classmate, who seems to know a lot about women.
I could go into further detail about the plot, about
how Holly eventually gets caught in her lie and all the hoops she must jump
through to make her mom’s secret admirer seem real, but what’s
the point?
Noth is far too good for this dreck, as is Locklear,
who proves here that she could have a big-screen career if she were allowed
to put her TV roots behind her. As for Duff, let’s just say that
she’s as annoying as ever.
Also in theaters. . .
Batman Begins [PG-13]
The humble beginnings of our favorite caped crusader. The fifth Batman
installment comes with an all-star cast including Michael Caine, Liam
Neeson, Morgan Freeman and Christian Bale as the bat himself. ShowPlace East, Parkway Pointe
High Tension [R] Two
college co-eds take a trip to the country to study for final exams in
“peace.” But, when an unexpected stranger knocks on the front
door, the pleasant outing turns ugly. ShowPlace
West
The Honeymooners [PG-13]
Remake of old Jackie Gleason television comedy with Cedric the Entertainer
playing bus driver Ralph Kramden and Mike Epps as Ralph’s best
friend, Ed. Parkway Pointe
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants [PG] Four girlfriends plan to stay connected to each
other by passing around a pair of secondhand jeans that fits each
perfectly. Parkway Pointe
This article appears in Jun 16-22, 2005.
