Fans of Mary Todd Lincoln, rejoice!
What? You are not a fan of Mary Lincoln? There are no Mary Lincoln fans?
In fact, Mary Lincoln has had bad press since the mid-19th century. Much of this can be traced to half-truths and outright lies promulgated by Abraham Lincoln’s third law partner, William H. Herndon, other male supporters of Lincoln who disliked Mary, and opponents of Lincoln who hoped to hurt him politically through criticism of his wife. Examination of these issues is an important part of Lois Romano’s excellent new study An Inconvenient Widow: The Torment, Trial, and Triumph of Mary Todd Lincoln.
Although the title of the book would suggest an emphasis on Mary’s post-assassination years, the volume is actually pretty evenly divided throughout her life, with about a third devoted to each era: youth and married life in Springfield, the election of 1860 through the presidency, and her widowhood. In each section Romano tackles the criticisms of Mary associated with that time period.
Mary and Herndon were only two weeks apart in age, but they evidently despised each other from the first time they met. Mary objected to Lincoln choosing Herndon as his law partner. Among the causes of conflict were matters of class (Mary saw Herndon as decidedly beneath her and Lincoln), personality, and competition for Lincoln’s attention.
Herndon did deep and lasting damage to Mary’s reputation during her widowhood. He gave lectures describing Lincoln’s marriage as a “domestic hell” for him, claiming that Lincoln never loved Mary. Romano clearly agrees with Mary’s critics that Mary had a personality that was often difficult: easily upset over trivial things, a volcanic temper, and frequent grudges and broken relationships. Yet Mary also had redeeming personality features such as apologizing for some of her behavior, devotion to Lincoln and their sons, as well as common interests with Lincoln in politics and poetry,
Romano makes a good case for Lincoln understanding, even before they married, how to handle Mary’s emotional storms, whether by comforting her or leaving her alone. In addition, rather than joining many male historians in placing all the blame for domestic issues on Mary, Romano points out Lincoln’s own personality quirks, and suggests that, like most agreeably married couples, the Lincolns had a good working relationship and adapted to each others’ flaws.
Virtually nothing that Mary anticipated for the Lincoln’s time in the White House turned out as she had hoped. Her attempts to be a political partner and adviser to Lincoln were largely foiled. That the majority of her siblings in Kentucky supported the Confederacy led to unfounded rumors that Mary was also a secret Southern supporter, no matter what she did to support Union soldiers instead. Her need for attention and desire to shop, in order to dress for her position and decorate the White House as it deserved, led to massive debts, close association with some dubious characters, and unflattering newspaper reports that made situations worse. Her favorite son died. And then, her husband was assassinated while sitting right next to her.
Mary’s widowhood was grim, worsened by the failure of David Davis, Lincoln’s friend and executor, to give her access to a reasonable part of Lincoln’s financial estate for living expenses. Davis, as well as other Lincoln friends, also discouraged what efforts there were to raise funds for Mary or secure a government pension for her.
Of course, readers also want to know whether Mary was insane. Romano begins to address that question first thing in the prologue. (Spoiler: no, but Mary’s anxieties and probably self-medication played a part.)
Romano follows in the tradition of other women historians who seek to restore respect for Mary, such as Ruth Painter Randall, Jean Baker, Catherine Clinton and Stacy Pratt McDermott. Romano does not hesitate to present Mary, “warts and all,” as a woman with a very touchy and complex personality, very possibly affected by some genetic mental health issues. At the same time, she brings out Mary’s caring actions that got little publicity, and the ways she supported Lincoln and their sons. A big factor, that Romano emphasizes, is the way in which many of Mary’s controversial actions have been blown out of proportion, been presented in isolation from extenuating factors, or simply been lied about.
All of the Mary stories – bad and good – are here, not with the intent to excuse or accuse, but to understand Mary as much as possible in the context of her life and culture. No other U.S. presidential wife or widow has been treated as badly, at the time or by history, as Mary Todd Lincoln. Romano seeks to revise that view. She has done an excellent job in a very thoughtful, readable biography that I highly recommend.
Springfield historian Glenna R. Schroeder-Lein, a former manuscripts librarian and documentary editor, is the author of several books, including Lincoln and Medicine. She is an occasional book reviewer for Illinois Times.
Award-winning author Lois Romano will discuss her Mary Lincoln biography in an event designed for general audiences at 6:30 p.m. on Thursday, Oct. 1, in Union Theater at the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum. It will be hosted by NPR Illinois’ Randy Eccles.
Drawing on years of research, Romano and Eccles will focus on her conclusions about Mary Lincoln’s life, the many tragedies she lived through and the toll that took on her mental health. She’ll also discuss the laws that allowed Mary Lincoln’s son, Robert, to have her committed to an asylum for several months in 1875.
This program is free to attend but advance registration is required. Reserve seats at PresidentLincoln.Illinois.gov/Events. A book signing with Lois Romano will follow the discussion. Attendees will have an opportunity to purchase her book and have it signed, or purchase a book in advance of the program when registering online, and it will be held for you.
This article appears in September 17-23, 2026.
