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“Most folks just don’t seem to have a
taste for testicles no more,” said the waitress who served Chevy
Chase’s character the two-year-record-breaking 29th helping of lamb
fries in the 1988 film Funny Farm.
Though it may be true in many parts of the country
that people have lost their appetite for animelles, here in Illinois we
love our testicles as much as ever, if not more. The Land of Lincoln, known
for the quality of our state’s boar testes, is home to three notable
testicle festivals. Even our state’s professional ballplayers seem to
just eat them up. Held the day before Father’s Day each year, the
Sportsman’s Club Testicle Festival (217-773-9096,
www.testicle-festival.com) takes places this year on June 14 in Mount
Sterling, approximately 65 miles west of Springfield. In 1995, livestock
farmers in the area first started throwing small parties at the bar, at
which testicles were the main attraction. Despite some resistance, the
festival soon grew into an all-day block party with live bands and more
testicles than you could shake a stick at. Kevin Huston, the Sportsman’s Club’s
proprietor, says this year chefs will cook up the old favorites of bull,
lamb, pork, and turkey, as well as buffalo, new this year (so eat a small
breakfast).
Later in the year, the city of Byron, near Rockford,
goes nuts hosting its Turkey Testicle Festival
(www.turkey-testicle-festival.com), which has been held every October for
30 years. Closer to Chicago, patrons of the Parkside Pub in Huntley gobble
up that village’s Turkey Testicle Festival, which takes place around
Thanksgiving. The edible offal is also known as Rocky Mountain or
prairie oysters — a favorite of ex-Chicago White Sox outfielder
Magglio Ordóñez — swinging sirloin, and Montana
tendergroin. It remains most popular in the mountain West, in areas such as
Montana, Colorado, Idaho, and parts of Canada where cattle ranching is
prevalent. These states hold a number of large, sometimes raucous testicle
celebrations each year. Although human beings have eaten everything —
and just about every part of it — that grows or walks for millennia,
people during the Roman era believed that eating an animal’s organ
could heal ailments in the corresponding organ of the individual eating it.
This included sexual dysfunction, which is why testicles are considered an
aphrodisiac in Asia and many other parts of the world today. In the U.S., when cowboys in the old West castrated
calves, the testes would be collected, washed, peeled, floured, seasoned,
and fried in oil, giving the dish its more common, and polite, nickname. If you can’t wait for one of the summer’s
festivals to get your mouth around some testicles, Humphrey’s (1821
S. 15th St., 217-544-7445) sells a variety of frozen testicles, ranging in
price from $1.99 per pound for pork to $7.98 per pound for veal and lamb.
Contact R.L. Nave at rnave@illinoistimes.com.
Think you can handle frying your own testicles? If
not, grow a pair and try one of these recipes.
Turkey Fries
(www.foodgeeks.com)
2 pounds turkey testicles, skinned
Marinade
1/2 cup dry red
wine
1/3 cup oil, preferably canola or corn
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/2 medium onion, chopped
Juice of one lime
1 teaspoon cayenne
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/4 cup medium-grind cornmeal, preferably
stone-ground
Salt and fresh ground black pepper to taste
Oil,
preferably peanut, for deep-frying
Thaw the testicles, if necessary, and cut them into
medallions. Put them in a bowl. Mix the marinade ingredients, pour the
marinade over the testicles, and marinate the testicles for four hours in
the refrigerator. Mix the flour, cornmeal, salt, and pepper in a bowl.
Roll each testicle in the mixture, dip it back in the marinade, and then
roll it again in the flour. Heat at least 3 inches of oil to 350 degrees. Place
the testicles in the oil and cook until the testicles are golden brown and
tender. Don’t overcook them, or the testicles will be tough. Serve
immediately.
Beef Fries (whatscookingamerica.net)
2 pounds veal testicles 2 cups beer Two eggs, beaten 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup yellow
cornmeal
Salt and ground black pepper to taste Vegetable oil 1 tablespoon hot pepper sauce
With a very sharp knife, split the tough skinlike
muscle that surrounds each testicle. Remove the skin (you can remove the
skin easily if the testicles are frozen, then peel while thawing). Slice
each testicle into approximately 1/4- to 1/2-inch-thick ovals. Place slices
in a large pan or bowl with enough beer to cover them; cover and let sit
two hours. In a shallow bowl, combine eggs, flour, cornmeal,
salt, and pepper. Remove testicles from beer; drain and dredge thoroughly
in the flour mixture. In a large, deep pot, heat oil to 375 degrees.
Deep-fry three minutes or until golden brown (will rise to the surface when
done). Drain on paper towels. Serve immediately; testicles are best when served
hot.
This article appears in May 15-21, 2008.
