Aunt Fluffy’s Preschool in Springfield is not your ordinary early-learning environment. The students refer to each other as their “school family.” Instead of a timeout zone, there is a Safe Place where children may cuddle with stuffed animals when they are upset. Breathing exercises for composure are routinely practiced, as is conflict resolution, impulse control, empathy and assertiveness. In the place of the “stops” and “don’ts” usually heard while policing a classroom, students are instructed in the appropriate behavior: “You may not push your classmate. Pushing hurts. When you want to move quickly, please say ‘move please’ instead.”
“Aunt Fluffy” is Leslie Groth, and she practices Conscious Discipline. Developed by Dr. Becky Bailey, a renowned expert in child development psychology, Conscious Discipline utilizes current brain research and child development information to foster understanding of children and how they behave in order to promote discipline within the child rather than imposing it externally, quoting Bailey.
“Discipline isn’t something you do to a child. It’s something you develop in them,” Groth explains, quoting Bailey.
At the heart of Conscious Discipline is an understanding of three different “brain states” and the behaviors associated with them. The “survival state” is characterized by the fight, flight or surrender – the classic toddler tantrum. These instincts originate in the brain stem.
The second, “emotional” brain state, describes activity coming from the limbic system of the brain and is characterized by behavior such as whining and crying.
When a child is relaxed and calm, they are operating from the prefrontal lobes of the brain. This “executive state” is optimal for learning and problem solving.
Conscious Discipline seeks to promote harmony in the classroom or family by teaching its members how to regulate their own emotions and move themselves from the “survival state” to the “executive state.” One of the most basic techinques is deep breathing: Conscious Discipline urges students to be a “S.T.A.R.” and Smile, Take a Deep Breath, and Relax.
This process begins with the adults. Every parent knows that children are experts at pushing buttons, often leading to demands or punishments administered out of anger or frustration. Conscious Discipline asks that adults regulate their own emotional states first, then model that behavior for the child.
Groth explains: “A child cannot/will not be in any higher emotional state than the adult is. So therefore, take care of yourself first so you can download your calm composure into the child and then assist the child to be his very best.”
Groth was introduced to Conscious Discipline 10 years ago at an Illinois Head Start Association State Conference in Springfield at which Dr. Bailey was the presenter. Since implementing Conscious Discipline in her classroom, Groth has witnessed the beneficial impact it has had on her students.
She describes the case of one of her former students: “A few years ago I received a call from a mother whose son had been expelled from several preschool programs. He was angry, verbally aggressive and prone to lashing out physically. I had eight short months to prepare this child for kindergarten by learning self-regulation skills such as impulse control. Within about one week this child totally responded to Conscious Discipline and was so connected and willing to learn. After the eight months, during this child’s last week, I asked to take some more pictures of him to document his journey to help others. I requested he ‘look and be’ as angry as he used to be and then show me how he calmed himself step by step. He looked up at me and very honestly said, ‘Aunt Fluffy, I don’t know how to be THAT angry anymore’.”
Conscious Discipline is not just for teachers. Many parents who study and practice its techniques have experienced positive results.
Springfield mom Katie Gilman McCulley uses Conscious Discipline with her sons, ages 3 and 1. “I think it has made a distinct difference in my children,” she said. “My kids’ meltdowns are like 10 seconds now because we are able to breathe and get to our frontal lobe instead of staying in the ‘survival state.’ Kids get upset and sad and have emotions – it’s OK to embrace them, realize what you are feeling and figure out where to go from there!”
Groth firmly believes that the current model of extracting good behavior through a system of rewards and punishment is not meeting the needs of today’s society: “Look at our prisons. If you walk down death row and ask the inmates, ‘Did you know something bad would happen to you if you killed someone?’ they will say yes. It is not about the rules or rewards or punishments. It is about skills and relationships.”
She envisions a day when Conscious Discipline is practiced widely enough to transform society for the better: “One day rather than our legislatures being in a gridlock and bullying each other as they do now, we will actually be raising children who will one day be equipped to be in their ‘executive state’ and be willing and able to creatively and efficiently solve the problems at hand.”
Erika Holst is a student of Conscious Discipline. Her three-year-old son attends Aunt Fluffy’s Preschool.
This article appears in Capital City Parent August 2015.
