THE OCCULT . . . FOR DUMMIES We never miss an opportunity take our ceremonial
robes out of mothballs, so, on hearing the news that the Washington Park
officials would be removing a circle-and-star design that some residents
say resembles a pentagram, we printed instructions on performing a
séance from the Web and headed towards the small amphitheater in the
back of the park’s new playground, near the woods. But we either
mispronounced the magic words or the pentagram is a dud, ’cause we
came up empty-handed. Outraged, we phoned Elliot
McKinley, a Springfield Park District
official, who denied the park’s liability for the cost of
séance accoutrements — namely, a pint of goat’s blood,
purchased specifically for the occasion. “It goes against our
ordinance. We can’t condone illegal behavior,” McKinley says. Since when is practicing one’s religion a crime
in America? McKinley
says the design wasn’t intended for religious purposes. As for the cost of the blood, we’ll just have
to, um, eat it.
LONG LIVE THE QUEENS As late as last Friday night, Alyssa Vegas was ready to hang up
her pantyhose and pumps and forfeit the entry fee she had paid to enter the
Miss Springfield Newcomer pageant. Other contestants had better talent
numbers planned — stylishly choreographed lip-synch spectacles
complete with costumed backup dancers. Alyssa, on the other hand, had
prepared a simple ballad — Martina
McBride’s “Broken Wing.”
But a bit of counseling from Mahogany Knight, Springfield’s
reigning queen and Illinois Times cover girl [Feb. 12, 2004], persuaded Alyssa to go
for the tiara, and, much to the surprise of almost everybody, Alyssa took
home the crown Saturday night. Let’s be honest. This was Springfield’s
annual drag pageant, and, between the prepageant show and the evening-gown,
interview, and talent competitions, the actual crowning didn’t take
place until the wee hours of Sunday morning. But the 200-plus patrons
packed wall to wall into the Station House didn’t seem to mind.
“They were there early and stayed until it was over at 1:30,”
Knight says. Alyssa was crowned by last year’s winner, her
“sister” (as drag families go), Lavender
Vegas. “Alyssa was sort of the dark
horse that came through and kicked everybody’s butts,” Knight
says.
HOW ABOUT A COW PIE? Mitch Needelman and Larcenia Bullard — now they’ve got vision. The
Florida lawmakers are co-sponsors of legislation in that state, which
passed convincingly, to make Key lime the official state pie of the
Sunshine State. Vermont is the only other state with an official pie (apple
— boring!),
but at least five others have official pastries. Certainly Illinois cuisine is as delicious as New
Mexico’s, whose state cookie, adopted in 1989, is the biscochito.
“The reason we don’t have a state pie is probably because no
one’s proposed that we have one,” explains a representative of
Gov. Rod Blagojevich’s press office. So you want a state pie? Call your
legislator, she suggests helpfully. We tried tossing the pie issue at our local
lawmakers. State Sen. Larry Bomke and Rep. Rich Brauer didn’t get back to us by press time. Rep. Raymond Poe, we’re told,
is in Spain for two weeks. Hmmm. A vacation does sound nice.
STATE OF GRACE Erstwhile Illinois Times columnist Grace Smith chronicled her romantic ups and downs in these pages for
more than a year before we went our separate ways. Her fans, who keep up
with her at her Web site, are overjoyed to learn that “MNB” (My
New Boyfriend), who became “MFB” (My Former Boyfriend), is now
“MFH” (My Future Husband). Readers first “met” MNB in the summer of
2004, after he showed up at Grace’s door with a rose plucked from his
garden. Many, many, many other details can be found at graceuncensored.com.
This article appears in May 11-17, 2006.
