“Intelligent design” is the latest
buzzword of the right-wing Bible-thumping cultists who keep pushing to
Christianize our public schools.
The intelligent-design crowd flatly rejects the
science of evolution as apostasy, asserting that life on this earth is way
too wondrous to have simply evolved. They point to Genesis as proof that a
mighty God schemed it all out and — poof! — miraculously
created our world whole in only six days. They insist that intelligent
design be taught in our schools and given equal weight with evolution.
Well, why teach only two beliefs? I submit that our
world is pretty chaotic, often reflecting neither intelligence nor
progressive evolution. “Unintelligent design” is my theory. For
example, here in Texas, we can get 6 inches of rain in an hour, then go six
weeks without a drop. First we’re drowned, then we’re parched.
Who planned this? Or take tornadoes — does God hate trailer-park
people? Why not hit some of those rich gated compounds every once in a
while?
Also, I’d like to talk to whoever designed our
bodies. For example, men have nipples — what’s up with that?
Even bigger, why do we get sick before we die? I can understand the
necessity of death (otherwise they’d be no room for others), but
well-designed people should be healthy and happy, until — bingo
— we check out.
There are so many other flaws in our world that defy
anything logical or miraculous about creation. Why are there ticks and
mosquitoes? Dogs are good, but why must they drool and have bad breath? Why
haven’t we evolved beyond the madness of war? And here’s a big
one: Why would an intelligent designer produce Tom DeLay?
It’s clearly time to teach the theory of
unintelligent design.
This article appears in Sep 8-14, 2005.
