At the end of each year, I put together a list of that year’s 10 worst films.
It used to be a cathartic exercise that I looked forward to with malicious glee.
In recent years, though, it’s turned into a depressing exercise as it’s become
obvious that restricting the list to 10 rotten films is too limiting. The swill
Hollywood produces seems to be outnumbering decent work at a rate of almost
2-1.
That said, Tim Story’s Taxi will rank at or near the top of my 2004
list of shame. It embodies everything that’s wrong with popular movies today.
Pivoting on a single idea, and a ridiculous one at that, it insults the audience
with ludicrous situations and laughable characters, and it exists in some alternate
reality where car chases and horrific accidents are considered funny and Saturday
Night Live veteran Jimmy Fallon is leading-man material. How it took three
“writers” to pen this hot, stinking pile of fecal material is a mystery on par
with the Bermuda Triangle and the Loch Ness monster.
Obviously everyone involved thought that the sheer force of Queen Latifah’s
personality would smooth over the film’s faulty premise. However, the actress
has succeeded in parlaying a potentially successful film career into a series
of projects in which she plays an oversized cartoon character. As she did in
The Cookout, Latifah proves that she doesn’t realize that subtlety is
the best approach. As insane cabdriver Belle, Latifah is obnoxious, rude, self-centered,
and wholly unappealing. She’s matched in all of these areas by Fallon, who as
Washburn, a hapless New York City cop, proves that his range as an actor is
limited to the distance between his and Tina Fey’s seats on the “Weekend Update”
anchor desk.
The brilliant premise is that Washburn can’t drive but Belle loves to, so
they make the perfect odd couple to track down a group of gorgeous Brazilian
bank robbers whose modeling careers have gone south. Car chases that defy the
rules of physics ensue as Belle and her souped-up car career down the concrete
canyons of Manhattan as Washburn hangs on for dear life — and that’s the extent
of the high-concept premise of this film.
Taxi’s meter keeps running and running, taking the audience on a ride
that doesn’t come close to ending soon enough.
Also in theaters this week. . .
Cellular [PG-13] A young man gets a call from a woman who claims she
was kidnapped, fears she’ll be killed, and doesn’t know where she is. And his
battery may die! ShowPlace West
Collateral [R] Tom Cruise is a hired killer who uses a cab to get
from one hit to another; Jamie Foxx is the cab driver who slowly begins to realize
what is going on. White Oaks
The Door in the Floor [R]The once-great marriage of famous
children’s book author Ted Cole and his beautiful wife Marion is strained by
tragedy. She’s despondent; he cheats. Then they hire a young man who transforms
their lives. Parkway Pointe
First Daughter [PG] The president accedes to his daughter’s request
to attend college without Secret Service protection. On the sly, he assigns
an agent. Parkway Pointe
The Forgotten [PG-13] When a single mother loses her 8-year-old son
in an airplane crash, she seeks out psychiatric help in order to cope with her
grief. Instead, she’s told her son never existed. ShowPlace West, ShowPlace
East
Friday Night Lights [PG-13] Chronicles the 1988 season of the Permian
High Panthers in football-obsessed Odessa, Texas. Based on H.G. Bissinger’s
book. ShowPlace West, ShowPlace East
Ladder 49 [PG-13] A firefighter trapped in a fire that’s likely to
kill him, reviews his life. John Travolta also stars. Parkway Pointe, ShowPlace
East
Mr. 3000 [PG-13] A retired baseball star, nicknamed “Mr. 3000,” finds
out he didn’t quite reach 3,000 hits. At age 47, he tries to reach that goal.
ShowPlace East
Napoleon Dynamite [PG] The title character is an odd Idaho teenager
whose great loves are dancing and the ways of the ninja. Parkway Pointe
Raise Your Voice [PG] Terri Fletcher is a girl from a small town who
finds summer romance at a performing arts high school in Los Angeles. Parkway
Pointe, ShowPlace East
Shark Tale [PG] The son of the shark mob boss is found dead and a
fish named Oscar is at the scene of the crime. ShowPlace West, ShowPlace East
Shrek 2 [PG] Princess Fiona’s parents invite her and Shrek to dinner
to celebrate her marriage, not realizing that the newlyweds are green ogres.
White Oaks
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow [PG] The world’s top scientists
start disappearing as giant flying robots descend on New York City in 1939.
Reporter Polly Perkins teams up with ace pilot Joe “Sky Captain” Sullivan to
stop the mad man behind this calamity. ShowPlace West
Spider-Man 2 [PG-13] Peter Parker still has personal problems, while
Spider-Man is forced to confront Doctor Octopus. White Oaks
The Village [PG-13] A period tale about a tiny village in 1897 Pennsylvania
that is surrounded by a forest hiding a group of mythical beasts. White Oaks
Wimbledon [PG-13] A pro tennis player meets a young player on the women’s
circuit who helps him regain his focus for Wimbledon. ShowPlace West
This article appears in Oct 7-13, 2004.
