If you’re smart, get online, punch up the
trailer to Monster-in-Law, watch it a few times, skip the movie, and save yourself a couple
of bucks. The clip shows Viola Fields (Jane Fonda), a journalist in the
Barbara Walters mold, gnashing her teeth and throwing fit after fit over
the prospect of her precious son, surgeon and resident doormat Kevin
(Michael Vartan), marrying “Charlie” Cantilini (Jennifer
Lopez). What exactly is wrong with this young lady, you might wonder?
Nothing, actually; she happens not only to be smart and beautiful but also
a Little League coach, a yoga instructor, and a wannabe fashion designer in
her spare time. Yep, she’s perfect, and Viola can’t stand it,
and frankly, neither could I.
You know a film’s in trouble when, right off the
bat, its main character is given a cute nickname, appears to have a heart
of gold, and for some odd reason is mysteriously single. Another warning
sign: The romantic couple in question meets in a schmaltzy, squirm-inducing
manner. The script, by first-time screenwriter Anya Kochoff, suffers from a
terminal case of the cutes and is unimaginative to boot. As Viola tries to
drive Charlie away, her plans are not only simplistic but also quickly
become repetitious. Vartan and Lopez’s scenes are nearly unbearable,
although Fonda, the consummate pro, lends a degree of undeserved gravity to
this production. Though I’ve never been a big fan of hers,
there’s no denying that Fonda has presence. Whenever she appears
onscreen here, she blows everyone else away with the strength, confidence,
and sense of assuredness she brings to the role.
In a sense, Fonda — who hasn’t been on the
silver screen in 15 years — hasn’t missed a step. She still
commands our attention and doesn’t shirk her responsibilities as an
actress. She’s a real trouper here, and I couldn’t help but
recall the moment from Sunset Boulevard when forgotten starlet Norma Desmond complains,
“I’m still big — it’s the pictures that got
small.” The same applies to Fonda here, but the picture she finds
herself in isn’t just small — it’s minuscule.
Also in theaters this week. . .
Crash [R] A car accident brings together
a diverse group of strangers in Los Angeles, forcing them to confront
racism. Parkway Pointe
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy [PG] Just before the Earth is to be demolished by an alien
construction crew, journeyman Arthur Dent is rescued by his researcher
friend Ford Prefect, and they begin an adventure. ShowPlace West, ShowPlace East
House of Wax [R] Car
troubles waylay a group of college students who end up visiting a museum
operated by a sadistic curator. Parkway Pointe,
ShowPlace East
Kicking & Screaming [PG] Soccer coach Phil Weston (Ferrell) faces his father Buck’s
(Robert Duvall) team. Buck’s ace player is a son from a new marriage.
Parkway Pointe, ShowPlace East
Mindhunters [R] FBI
trainees have to figure out who’s the killer among them. Val Kilmer,
LL Cool J, and Christian Slater star. Parkway
Pointe
Unleashed [R] A kind
gentler Danny (Jet Li) emerges from years of violence in the hands of an
elderly piano tuner (Morgan Freeman). Parkway
Pointe
This article appears in May 12-18, 2005.
