Who would have ever thought that the crew behind the Airplane! and the Naked Gun movies would actually add a little class to any sort of cinematic endeavor? But writer/director Jerry Zucker and his team of writers do just that with Scary Movie 3, the latest installment in the studio’s horror spoof series. Created by the Wayons brothers, the first two movies pandered to audiences and relied on crudity to garner cheap laughs. Not that this tactic is completely absent from Zucker’s version but it says something that this episode is rated PG-13 instead of R as the two previous incarnations were. No, Zucker has never had to use gags revolving around assorted bodily fluids to get laughs. He’s always been content with plain stupidity to achieve that.
The only recurring element here is Cindy Campbell (played gamely once more
by Anna Faris), the plucky young heroine from the first two films who’s now
a TV anchor who’s had the misfortune of watching that cursed videotape from
The Ring. With only seven days to live, she sets out to uncover the secret
behind the tape. Along the way, she falls for a wannabe white rapper, deals
with a vengeful ghost stuck in a well and helps stop an alien invasion.
Story has never mattered in these films, only how many genuine belly laughs
can be achieved during their paltry running time and this installment does a
better job at that than the last two. In addition to The Ring, Signs
and 8 Mile are the film’s prime targets and, as is the case with most
film revues of this sort, the gags are hit and miss. The opening sequence between
Pamela Anderson and Jenny McCarthy, in which they poke fun at their dumb blonde
personae and ample anatomy achieve a comedic high the film fails to reach again.
What other critics are saying…
Beyond Borders [R] A tale of a turbulent romance of two star-crossed
lovers (Angelina Jolie, Clive Owen) set against the backdrop of the world’s
most dangerous hot spots. “This production unwittingly crosses the line between
entertainment and exploitation once too often.” (Kirk Honeycutt, Hollywood
Reporter). Parkway Pointe, ShowPlace East
Brother Bear [G] An American Indian, who seeks vengeance
against a bear, is turned into a bear. “A play- it-safe pastiche of familiar
Disney tropes, from the senseless killing of a poor animal to the headstrong
young adventurer to the ragtag comic relief to … well, you can fill in the
rest.” (Gene Seymour, Newsday).
Parkway Pointe, ShowPlace East
Cold Creek Manor [R] A couple buys a house with an evil past. “The
only things haunting this movie are cliches.” (Peter Travers, Rolling Stone)
“Emphasizes character and psychology over plot.” (Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles
Times) Chuck’s grade: B. Parkway Pointe, White Oaks
Finding Nemo [G] Animated underwater tale. “An upbeat, sentimental
fable about a fearful father fish and a rebellious son.” (Stephen Holden, New
York Times) Chuck’s grade: A. White Oaks
Good Boy![PG]
An intergalatic dog from the dog star Sirius visits Earth to verify the rumors
that dogs have failed to take over the planet “Occasional laughs try hard but
can’t salvage the tired storyline and pat conclusion.” (Jeanne Aufmuth, Palo
Alto Weekly). ShowPlace West, ShowPlace East
In the Cut[R] A New York writing professor, Franny Thorstin
(Meg Ryan), has an erotic affair with a police detective. “A mess.” (Peter Travers,
Rolling Stone). Parkway Pointe
Intolerable Cruelty [PG-13] A revenge-seeking gold digger (Catherine
Zeta-Jones) marries a womanizing Beverly Hills lawyer (George Clooney) with
the intention of making a killing in the divorce. Directed by Joel and Ethan
Coen. “A thoroughly entertaining comedy about love, lawyers and fat divorce
settlements.” (David Rooney, Variety). Parkway Pointe
Kill Bill: Volume 1 [R] A female assassin (Uma Thurman) attacked on
her wedding day by her group leader, Bill (David Carradine), wakes up from a
coma and seeks revenge. Directed by Quentin Tarantino. “This is the ultimate
movie for kung-fu drive-in geeks.” (Richard Roeper, Ebert & Roeper).ShowPlace West, ShowPlace East
Mystic River [R] Three childhood friends are reunited after one loses
a daughter. Clint Eastwood-directed film stars Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Kevin
Bacon, Laurence Fishburne and Marcia Gay Harden. “A haunting, ambitious but
ultimately flawed film that treads some of the same somber moral territory director
Clint Eastwood explored in Unforgiven.” (Jonathan Foreman, New York
Post). ShowPlace West
Radio [PG] The story of a relationship between a
mentally-challenged man nicknamed “Radio” and a prominent high school football
coach. “A lot of whitewash is poured over a subject solely to wring emotion
from the hapless viewer.” (Jami
Bernard, New York Daily
News).ShowPlace
West, ShowPlace East
The Runaway Jury [PG-13] A gun manufacturer’s on
trial; a juror and a woman on the outside attempt to sway the outcome. “It’s
proof, if any is needed, that Grisham knows more about bestsellerdom than he
does about law.” (Michael Atkinson, Village
Voice). ShowPlace West,
ShowPlace East
The Rundown [PG-13] L.A. street toughs must travel to Brazil to clean
up some underworld business. “The wildly asinine crack-up derby that XXX
should have been.” (Scott Brown, Entertainment Weekly) Parkway Pointe
Scary Movie 3 [PG-13] Cindy must investigate mysterious crop circles
and video tapes, and help the President prevent an alien invasion. ShowPlace
West, ShowPlace East
School of Rock [PG-13] Jack Black gets kicked out of a band and starts
substitute teaching. “Funnyman Jack Black was born for this role.” (Jeanne Aufmuth,
Palo Alto Weekly) ShowPlace West, ShowPlace East
Seabiscuit [PG-13] The horse, its jockey, and the men who made them
famous. “Standout alternative . . . to an oft-deadly sequel summer.” (Mike Clark,
USA Today) Chuck’s grade: A. White Oaks
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre [R] The only known survivor
of the killing spree comes forward to tell the complete story.”Not only is this useless ‘revision’ ignorant of history,
it panders to its modern audience with look-Ma visual brouhaha.” (Ed Gonzalez,
Slant magazine). Parkway Pointe, ShowPlace East
Under the Tuscan Sun [PG-13] An American writer battles writer’s block by moving to Italy. “It purports to make love all over us, but not without laying down lots of paper towels first.” (Stephanie Zacharek, Salon.com) “It may be a fairy tale, but it’s one worth believing in.” (Terry Lawson, Detroit Free Press) ShowPlace West
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This article appears in Oct 30 – Nov 5, 2003.
