As the weather turns colder, we begin to realize that the holidays are soon approaching. Christmas items are already on display and a few people have even started their holiday shopping. Many people are asking, “Where did the year go? I can’t believe the holidays are here again already.”
Often, the holidays become hectic, stressful and even depressing. Our country is in crisis and its citizens are experiencing losses. Many have lost their jobs. Some have lost their homes and have been forced to move in with family members. A huge percentage of people are without health care insurance and have been saddled with overwhelming medical bills. And now the question is posed, “How am I going to afford to get my kids presents? They want so much stuff. . . I just can’t afford it.”
I have been teaching a parenting class for seven years now and this is what I know. Your kids don’t need a bunch of stuff. They need you. They need your time, your love, your patience, your understanding and your attention. They think they need a bunch of stuff when they see it on television or at the mall or at another kid’s house. Now take a minute and look around your house. What did they get last year? Are they still using it? Are they in love with it? No, they are in love with you.
Christmas has become too much of a commodity. It is a time to be grateful and thankful for what we have. We have become a society obsessed with things. More is not always better. I am not saying don’t get your children a gift. What I am saying is you don’t need to measure your quality of parenting on a scale of how much you buy them. At the end of every parenting class, I ask the participants to share his or her favorite childhood memory. One hundred percent of the time, what I hear are memories marked by time spent with special people.
We need to teach young people the value of money and get back to the idea of what is a gift. It is something that you give to another person from the heart, that is given with genuine feeling. I don’t like the idea of people making a list of what they want and then submitting it like they are ordering something in a catalog. Maybe this year be creative and try something new. Instead of giving so many tangible items, give something to your children they can’t get in a store. Give them your absolute undivided attention.
Here are some ideas:
• In a pretty box, wrap up a note from you that says: Good for one date with me for whatever you want to do. Even if you don’t like what they like, do it anyway. Or make a list and let them choose.
• For girls, play beauty parlor, paint nails, fix hair, dress up in fun clothes you have around the house.
• Play a board game of their choice or a simple card game.
• Let them help you cook and let them make a mess. It’s about bonding and having fun.
• Color together.
• Make a fort in the house with old blankets and sleep in it with them.
• Take them to the park and play with them; don’t just watch them play.
• Watch a movie they like. Even if you don’t like it, don’t complain.
• Snuggle
• Make a scrapbook of themselves and let them choose the pictures and how to arrange them.
• Take a walk and hold hands.
• Let them wear whatever they want for the day, even if they look silly.
• Make homemade holiday cards and send them to people. Grandparents love this.
• Play hide and seek.
• Read with them.
You don’t have to let the holidays become a whirlwind of shopping and eating and spending money. So many people will become depressed this holiday season because they feel financially inadequate to obtain for their children and loved ones what society demands they must have under the tree. Everyone likes to receive a gift. A gift is a gesture of giving, not a competition or an obligation. It may sound strange at first to not spend so much money on tangible gifts. We have become conditioned to believe that the more money we spend on each other is a measure of how much we love each other. How sad, to have placed a dollar sign on our own heads. Parenting has less to do with money than it has to do with love, values and teaching, being a role model of how we want our children to become when they are grown. Christmas is another opportunity to do these things. There are many people in this world who have everything money can buy, and yet are not happy. Your children are God’s gift to you. Be a gift to them.
Jeanne Malone is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor at Ascent Counseling in Springfield with 24 years experience working with children and families. She is one of two court-appoved parenting insructors in Sangamon County. Contact her at 217-582-1988.
This article appears in Capital City Parent October 2012.
