Though Bottle Shock (2 stars) is based on a true story, you’re
liable to be wondering just how much of it is fact. I’d say
about 40 percent, as so much of it plays like a labored Hollywood flick
from the ’30s, replete with stock characters and hoary circumstances.
There’s Jim Barrett, a lawyer (Bill Pullman) who risks
everything to realize his dream of being a winemaker. He just happens
to have a slacker son, Bo (Chris Pine), he’s constantly disappointed
in. They sort out their differences, like any father and son, by
donning boxing gloves and stepping into the ring. Then there’s Steve
Spurrier (Alan Rickman), an English wine shop owner who longs to break into
the wine culture of France. At the urging of his oh-so-colorful
expatriate American neighbor, he comes up with a blind wine-tasting contest
that will pit French vintages against those from America.
Did I happen to mention that this takes place during
the Bicentennial, so there is an overt patriotic tone to the affair? Or
that a love triangle develops between Bo, his father’s intern Sam
(Rachael Taylor) and his buddy Gustavo (Freddy Rodriguez), who happens to
be developing his own vintage on the side? Then there’s Joe
(Eliza Dushku) the sort of sexy bartender who only exists in movies and
whose sole purpose is to wisecrack and save the day after a catastrophe.
By the time the predictable climax occurs (guess
whose wine wins the contest?), I was in need of a good stiff drink myself
to wash all the artifice away. While I am sure there is a kernel of
truth somewhere in this story, the screenplay by Jody Savin, Randall
Miller, and Ross Schwartz relies so heavily on clichéd fabrications
that I could have cared less about what was true and what wasn’t or
the film itself. Do yourself a favor and abstain from Bottle Shock.
Another film based on a true story, The Longshots (2 stars)
finds Ice Cube as Curtis Plummer, an unemployed layabout who tries to
relive his glory days by turning his niece, Jasmine (an unconvincing Keke
Palmer) into a quarterback for the local middle school team. Seems
that the town where they live needs something to believe in, as much of the
industry has closed, leaving a shuttered Main Street and broken dreams in
its wake. Reluctant at first, Jasmine practices and practices some
more, finding that she can succeed on the gridiron in ways she can’t
in the classroom. She discovers a strong sense of self along the way.
While this film’s tone is more sincere than
Cube’s broad slapstick efforts (Are We
There Yet? etc.) if there isn’t a
cliché from the football movie book that’s not covered here, I
don’t know what it is. While the director Fred Durst’s
inspirational intentions are noble, there simply isn’t an original
idea in the film. Hobbling the movie even further is the fact that
despite practicing for six weeks off camera, Palmer is the most
unconvincing football player to ever grace the silver screen. In a
nutshell, The Longshots can be summed up like this: Jasmine succeeds, the
town has hope, her uncle turns his life around and I fall asleep.
Game over.
This article appears in Aug 14-20, 2008.
