They held no power They did not know how Perhaps they’ll hold
some now
Born in the late 1930s and early ’40s,
wedged in between the Greatest Generation and the baby boomers,
they are few — and Ike Eisenhower lied to ’em. Ike went on TV in 1960 and told them that the
U2 Gary Francis Powers was flying when it was shot down over the
Soviet Union was a weather-monitoring plane — not a spy
plane. Then Nikita Khrushchev showed evidence proving
otherwise. It was the first time anyone realized that
presidents bent truth — and it destroyed the spirit of the
wedged-in young folk so much that they would spend their adulthood
not participating, politically inactive, and being considerably
unaware. In 1960 the Greatest Generation thought that
television was magic, so they dismissed Ike’s
“episode” entirely, named schools after him, and
increased the age at which people younger than they would be
eligible for full Social Security benefits. The Greatest Generation
was — active! In 1960 the boomers were too young to stay up
and watch Ike’s broadcast, and so they grew up, always
politically active — first as hippies, who protested the
Greatest Generation, and later as insurance salesmen, who sold ’em whole-life
policies at inflated premiums to get even for the Social Security age
scam. The Greatest Generation’s ranks are thin
now, and boomers, who vote only when there are no sales pending on
Election Day, are seeing their sixties now. They’ll be
retiring soon, and retirees vote full-force. So if the members of the wedged-in generation
ever care to participate, if they care to hold power, now is the
time to strike — while their numbers momentarily give them
muscle; now, before the boomers overwhelm them and pass a law to
mandate national whole-life insurance. It’s not an easy game for the wedged-ins
because they were never part of a group — they were always
powerless “individuals” with no group accord,
individuals unaware of political gamesmanship. They’d never played They did not know how Perhaps they’ll try it now So they convened, in Springfield, Ill. It was
early afternoon (because wedged-ins can’t drive after dark).
One delegate from each late-1930s/early-’40s year attended
— each delegate was given proxy for all others sharing his or
her year. Confused about group process, they sat quietly until
Mabel Simmons (’40) suggested that they start at the
political grass roots because she’d heard someone from an empowered generation say
that you must. Because they were here anyway, why not the
Illinois gubernatorial race? They’d endorse one candidate,
throw their newfound weight behind that candidate — if that
candidate would spearhead a move to impeach Eisenhower. When Hank Turgid (’36) contended that,
at 116, Ike was likely dead instead of president, they sat again,
silent. Finally Yanks Avatar (’41) suggested that they just
vote for someone — anyone! They tried. Result: One vote each for eight different 2005
Chicago White Sox players, two votes for “an unnamed
crony.”
Yanks suspected the O’Brien twins of the
crony vote because Tom (born at 11:59 p.m. Dec. 31, 1943) and Mike
(born at 12:01 a.m. Jan. 1, 1944) both had low-number license
plates. In a fit of ethics, it was decided by an
8-2 vote that you can’t vote for cronies. Next vote: Eight Sox players and two votes for
“an unnamed unindicted co-conspirator.” After 11 ballots with the same
“unnamed” intrusions, Eric Hasburg (’37) pointed
out that it was getting late and that unless they wanted to drive
“after dark” they had better do something — fast.
By an 8-2 count they dictated that you could vote only for
“named” people. The O’Brien boys then played their trump card. Tom forced a delay by having a mild stroke.
As the shadows grew long and longer, eight sweating delegates ground
car keys into their palms, to the point of blood. Mike waited, and
waited, and then . . . made a motion that ethics be set aside —
because of the “time.” Tom made a calculated recovery and
seconded the motion. With darkness just minutes away, the others
panicked into agreement. Final vote: • The Eisenhower Expressway will
henceforth be called the Mike Expressway: one vote. • Tom O’Brien for governor: one
vote. • Eight ballots disqualified because of
bloodstains. Still in panic mode, eight people
speed-waddled to their cars, drove to their one-block-away motel,
and made it safely just as the sun set. They held no power then They hold no power still Perhaps they never will The O’Brien boys changed the 1943
and 1944 dates on their birth certificates back to the correct 1953
and 1954, sold an unneeded insurance policy to a minimum-wage
81-year-old bellhop as they left, and leisurely drove back to
Chicago in the dark of night!
With apologies to Josh Groban, who wrote the
lyrics for “Starry, Starry Night,” and Vincent van
Gogh.
This article appears in Jan 19-25, 2006.
