Movie Reviews

Legally Blonde 2: Red,
White & Blonde

If a comedy falls in a theater and nobody laughs, is it still a comedy? Legally
Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde–the sequel to the surprise 2001 hit starring
Reese Witherspoon as a dumb blonde who gets into Harvard Law School–sure looks
like a comedy. It contains bright, gauzy lighting, broad performances, frothy
music, and dialogue that doesn’t sound like anything that would ever come out
of somebody’s mouth, just like in a sitcom. Yet at the screening I attended,
one could hear the proverbial pin drop. Oh, sure, 73-year-old Bob Newhart talking
like Snoop Dogg inspired a titter or two, and Witherspoon’s precious hairless
Chihuahua Bruiser generated some goodwill from dog lovers. But the feelings
of frustration and boredom induced by Legally Blonde 2 make this film
a tragedy of grand proportions.

I didn’t see Legally Blonde, so I can only imagine the wild script
machinations the filmmakers must have dreamed up in order to explain how a young
woman as vapid as Elle Woods (Witherspoon) could possibly have graduated from
Harvard and become a high-priced Boston lawyer. As the sequel opens, Elle is
preparing for her impending wedding to Emmett (Luke Wilson). Wanting desperately
to invite Bruiser’s mother to the wedding, Elle hires a private eye, who discovers
the dog is the property of a cosmetics company that uses animals for experiments.
Since her firm won’t touch the case, Elle does what any of us would do–she gets
a job with a U.S. Congresswoman (nicely limned by Sally Field) and, aided by
the world’s most politically savvy doorman (Newhart), writes a bill that will
ban animal testing.

Reese Witherspoon is a very fine actress, but there’s little she can do to
elevate such lifeless material to anything resembling wit. I believe there is
gold to be mined from this storyline, as ludicrous as it is, but director Charles
Herman-Wurmfeld (Kissing Jessica Stein) and screenwriter Kate Kondell
(from a story co-written by Eve Ahlert and Dennis Drake, who penned this summer’s
very good Down With Love) aren’t interested in panning for it. Their
approach lacks any edge or subtext, and instead of creating what could have
been a clever satire of the American political machine, they rely on a running
gag about a homosexual rottweiler. (MM)

(Running time 1:35, rated PG-13)

Grade D+

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black
Pearl

If director Gore Verbinski and his stable of writers decide to turn the tea-cup
ride at Disney World into a movie–as they have to the amusement park’s Pirates
of the Caribbean attraction–I’ll be the first in line. The filmmaker’s Pirates
of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl is a rollicking entertainment,
a combination of Errol Flynn swashbucklers and George Romero zombie films. It
never takes itself too seriously and goes out its way to dazzle us with elaborate
fight scenes and horrific, special-effects-driven sequences. Verbinski is aided
by a game cast, particularly Johnny Depp, whose offbeat take generates many
surprisingly humorous moments.

Clocking in at more than two hours, Pirates eventually overstays its
welcome, but overall it remains great fun. Though produced by Disney, parents
should be aware that the film earns its PG-13 rating with some gruesome sights.
(CK)

(Running time 2:18, rated PG-13)

Grade B+

What other critics are saying . . .

Edited by Imran Siddiquee

Anger Management A judge orders Adam Sandler to undergo anger management
therapy led by eccentric counselor Jack Nicholson. “The concept is inspired.
The execution is lame.” (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times) “You keep asking
yourself, ‘I could be laughing at this. So why aren’t I?'” (Stephanie Zacharek,
Salon.com) Esquire

Bruce Almighty Jim Carrey is granted sovereignty over his hometown
by God. “A smart, surprisingly thought-through blockbuster, with a decent grasp
of the theological implications of its idea. . . . It’s a subtle societal critique
that it never occurs to Bruce to think of others.” (Nev Pierce, BBCi) “A fable
overwhelmed by special effects and outsized spectacle.” (Kevin Thomas, Los
Angeles Times) Parkway Pointe

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle The crime-fighting trio returns. “One
of the most exhausting good-time movies ever made. As insistent as it is skillful–and
it is very skillful–it does all it can to pound you into enjoying yourself.”
(Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times) “Angels is so much like a feature-length
cartoon that you may find yourself sitting through the end credits waiting to
see who provided the voices for the, if you’ll pardon the expression, characters.”
(Elvis Mitchell, New York Times) Chuck’s grade: F. White Oaks, Showplace

Chicago Picture-of-the-year musical about the murder trial of an up-and-coming
singer. “Without a doubt the best movie musical since Cabaret, Chicago
improves upon the long-running Broadway show by Kander and Ebb in many ways.”
(Jonathan Foreman, New York Post) “A narrative that remains the same
stale blast of self-congratulating showbiz cynicism.” (Dennis Lim, Village
Voice) Chucks grade: B+ Esquire

Daddy Day Care Eddie Murphy runs an off-the-wall day-care center. “A
woeful miscalculation, a film so wrong-headed audiences will be more appalled
than amused.” (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times) “Lighthearted if shy of
a lark” (Ed Park, Village Voice). Chuck’s grade: C. Rt. 66 Drive-in

Finding Nemo Animated underwater tale. “An upbeat, sentimental
fable about a fearful father fish and a rebellious son who recklessly breaks
away from the school. . . Visual imagination and sophisticated wit raise Finding
Nemo to a level just below the peaks of Pixar’s ‘Toy Story’ movies.” (Stephen
Holden, New York Times) “It’s all beautiful, all right. But before long
I began to feel beaten against the rocks of that beauty–Finding Nemo
smacks of looky-what-I-can-do virtuosity, and after the first 10 minutes or
so, it’s exhausting.” (Stephanie Zacharek, Salon.com) Chuck’s grade: A. White
Oaks, Showplace

Holes Juvenile delinquents are forced to dig holes at a detention facility.
Based on Louis Sachar’s 1998 novel, a winner of the Newbery Medal and a National
Book Award. “One of the few recent movies I have seen that plunged me into that
rare, giddy state of pleasurable confusion, of not knowing what would happen
next.” (A.O. Scott, New York Times) “Brims with storytelling flourishes
and gently deployed life lessons that even accompanying adults may dig.” (Ed
Park, Village Voice) Chuck’s grade: B. Esquire

The Hulk Whenever scientist Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into
the title’s green monster. “The most talkative and thoughtful recent comic book
adaptation. . . . The movie brings up issues about genetic experimentation,
the misuse of scientific research and our instinctive dislike of misfits, and
actually talks about them. . . . [Director] Ang Lee (The Ice Storm) has
boldly taken the broad outlines of a comic book story and transformed them to
his own purposes; this is a comic book movie for people who wouldn’t be caught
dead at a comic book movie.” (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times) “Will somebody
please get Ang Lee away from popular culture. . . . He’s a pedestrian storyteller
with no feel for . . . pop entertainment. . . . At last, a comic-book movie
that National Public Radio listeners can be proud to take their kids to see.”
(Charles Taylor, Salon.com) Chuck’s grade: B+. White Oaks, Showplace

The In-laws Remake of Arthur Hiller’s 1979 comedy with Michael Douglas
and Albert Brooks in place of Peter Falk and Alan Arkin, respectively. “The
original was badly directed . . . drab and ugly to look at, and frequently hilarious.
The new one . . . doesn’t look as if it were shot in a toilet, and I don’t think
I laughed out loud once.” (Charles Taylor, Salon.com) “Arthur Hiller’s wonderful
1979 original . . . was the movie Meet the Parents aspired to be, and
until its sequel arrives next year, Andrew Fleming’s more than passable, often
extremely funny remake should suffice. (John Patterson, LA Weekly). Rt.
66 Drive-in

The Italian Job Remake of 1969 caper movie. “This is a snazzy piece
of filmmaking: fluid but wittily syncopated; stylish without appearing to expend
undue effort.” (David Edelstein, Slate) “Don’t expect much more . . . than a
pleasant workout.” (David Denby, The New Yorker) Showplace

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas The Arabian legend battles anachronistic
gods from Greece. “It works . . . because of the high-energy animation, some
genuinely beautiful visual concepts and a story that’s a little more sensuous
than we expect in animation. (Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times) “The mix
of traditional cell animation and the computer-generated digital paintbrush
becomes distracting. . . . Amid the Maxfield Parrish fantasy kingdoms and the
video-game creatures, the humans are less ‘real’ than their magical world.”
(Sean Axmaker, Seattle Post-Intelligencer). Chuck’s grade: C+. White
Oaks, Showplace

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines Arnold Schwarzenegger comes back,
again, as a android fighting another, more advanced robot. “A taut, exciting
science-fiction thriller that pumps up our adrenaline without forgetting to
engage our heads. . . . The movie also plays as a more palpable cautionary tale
about humans’ ceding control to machines than The Matrix Reloaded.” (Mark
Caro, Chicago Tribune) “Mainly the problem is a weak story that throughout
seems to be building toward something it never quite reaches.” (Mick LaSalle,
San Francisco Chronicle) Chuck’s grade: B. Parkway Pointe, Showplace

28 Days Later A virus creates a world of zombies, except for the few
people on the run. “Director Danny Boyle, back in Trainspotting
form, puts real zip in the zombie step. These buggers snap to at the scent of
human flesh and take you down like a stealth bomber.” (Peter Travers, Rolling
Stone) “A gory, depressing affair that bears an ultra-Darwinian message
in its blood-stained hands.” (Philip French, The Observer) Chuck’s grade:
C. Parkway Pointe

X2: X-MenUnited Cartoon superheroes fight each other. “The movie is
in a different league from the standard Hollywood comic-book blockbuster. It’s
never as simple as good versus evil: The three male titans–X, Magneto, and Stryker–are
each convinced his way is right, and Singer turns the movie into an epic chess
match.” (David Edelstein, Slate) “Stuffed with esoteric detail for the sake
of pleasing fans of the Marvel Comics series, the movie is over plotted, a soulless
maze of special effects and relentless action.” (Mick LaSalle, San Francisco
Chronicle) Esquire

This article appears in Jul 10-16, 2003.