The twinkling of lights, snowflakes lightly falling outside or paper snowflakes taped to windows, the smells of fresh gingerbread baking, adorning presents with ribbons and bows, invitations to celebrations of the season – for some, these are beloved parts of the holiday season. For others, this time of year can bring up trauma, exacerbate mental health issues or contribute to a sense of loneliness.
The American Psychological Association reports that 38% of people feel increased stress during the holidays while the National Alliance on Mental Health finds that 64% of people with mental illness say it gets worse during the holidays. Not everyone finds this time of the year merry and bright.
Trauma can also play a big part in mental health during the holidays. This may come from family dynamics while young. Sometimes the holidays mark a traumatic event from years past such as an act of violence, a divorce or a family member dying.
Those with Seasonal Affective Disorder naturally feel more depressed this time of year, particularly if the weather is dreary for weeks on end. For others, changes in routines are unwelcome, especially with what seems like an entire month or more of routines being interrupted.
There is a lot of pressure to conform to the celebrations of the holiday season, no matter what tradition one might have been raised with. This can be a challenge for people who grew up outside these cultural norms, as well as those who have financial constraints, limiting their involvement even if they wholly desire to participate.
All of these factors can play a part in making the holidays a stressful and unwelcome time, especially when those around us seem to be enjoying the seasonal holidays a great deal.
Mental health therapists say it’s common to feel heightened emotions during the holidays. It’s OK to feel however you’re feeling, and if you need space, take it. Don’t force yourself to celebrate how others do just to fit in. Understand and accept your triggers.
Checking in with a therapist, faith support person or understanding friends is always a good idea. Let your friends and family know how they can best support you, such as offering to take a walk. Eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep and exercise, and staying hydrated are good first steps to mental health, no matter the reason.
Some people with traumatic memories find new holidays to celebrate, such as celebrating the Winter Solstice instead of Christmas. Making new, happy memories with solstice crafts, foods and traditions with your family can make the season brighter while ugly Christmas memories fade. For others, not celebrating any holidays at all is what makes them feel better.
For those with limited stamina, it’s vital to prioritize. If you do not have the fortitude for countless holiday parties, attend the one that is the most important to you, or none at all. Learning to say no is hard, but it is essential to keeping your sanity. Another tip is to schedule some parts of the holiday after the holidays, such as having that big family reunion and potluck in January instead of on Christmas Eve.
It’s rough experiencing seasonal depression, and mental health advisers suggest getting as much sunlight exposure as possible and using a sun lamp if necessary. Taking a walk midday in the sun can help mental health more than working out at a gym after the sun goes down.
If you experience intense loneliness during the holidays, make sure to schedule video chats or meet ups with those with whom you feel connected.
With financial limitations becoming more the norm, it’s advised to make a budget and stick to it. Prioritize giving experiences instead of stuff. Handmade or personalized gifts are always enjoyable. And for those who seem to have it all, giving a donation to charity in their name can help make the world a little better.
Above all, communicate your intentions to celebrate less – or not at all – if that is what you choose to do, especially if you have been all-in for previous holiday traditions. Try to have patience for those who attempt to put the cheer back into your holidays.
On the other hand, if you experience someone who is ho ho hum about the holidays, do not pressure them with toxic positivity. Understand that they may be under stress that the average person is not. We celebrate the holidays for a variety of reasons and in a variety of ways. Treat others with kindness and understanding – tis the reason for the season.
Carey Smith lost her oomph for the holidays some years ago but appreciates others’ efforts at making the holidays cheery. She especially loves snow, hot chocolate and watching her kids open gifts.
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This article appears in Winter Guide 2024.
