Just months after enduring the devastating loss of their husband and father, Robin Williams’ wife and children found themselves in court, clashing over the details of the late actor’s estate. Although Williams left clear instructions for the disposition of his wealth and real estate, his instructions for the disbursal of his personal property were less clear. Now Williams’ three children are engaged in a bitter and expensive battle with their stepmother for possession of belongings such as clothes, memorabilia and photographs that are worth a tiny fraction of the legal fees being racked up by both sides.
Such infighting among relatives over the personal property of a deceased loved one is something that Andrew Richmond sees all the time. Richmond is an appraiser and auctioneer at Garth’s Auctions in Columbus, Ohio, which does business throughout the country. The firm offers estate services, which can include anything from providing an appraisal to accepting consignments for auction, as well as facilitating the cleaning out and even the sale of a house.
In his line of work, Richmond has seen firsthand how disputes over personal property can tear a grieving family apart. “We’ve cleaned out houses with police guards out front because of angry family members. We’ve had one child consign a rare item only to have a sibling call the next day and claim they stole it,” Richmond said.
David Reid, a Springfield attorney who specializes in tax and estate planning, agrees that the disposition of a loved one’s belongings can be a potential land mine within a family. “The giving of personal possessions may become provocative upon a death in the family since they keep a connection with the decedent and may be monetarily valuable,” he notes.
Richmond also sees what happens when heirs are left with insufficient information about the nature of a loved one’s collection of objects and how to sell it. He explained, “I’ve seen families make very bad decisions on how to sell valuable antiques and art, sometimes allowing them to be sold for pennies on the dollar, because they don’t know the marketplace and their parents never gave them any advice.”
What is to blame for the nightmare scenarios of loved ones at war or lifetime collections sold for a fraction of their worth? It all comes down to a failure to plan ahead. Twenty-first-century American culture is notoriously adverse to thinking about and dealing with the reality of death, which leaves people reluctant to plan for the inevitable.
Richmond is adamant that this reluctance must be overcome and a plan for the disbursal of belongings must be made, regardless of how uncomfortable it might be to undertake.
“The reality is we all will die, and when we do, it’s going to be hard on our families. So why make it harder by not planning? Why burden your loved ones with managing your lifetime of stuff, especially when it’s already going to be a hard time for them? Making big decisions when a family is already pained and emotional is a sure-fire way to start fights, potentially causing long-term damage to relationships,” he points out.
Reid and Richmond offer the following tips to plan for the ultimate disbursal of one’s personal possessions in a way that will preserve peace within the family down the road:
- If the collection includes art or antiques, consider getting a current fair market value appraisal done so everyone is on the same (realistic) page about what the objects are worth in today’s market.
- Decide if there are objects with sentimental value that you wish to see go to a particular person, and make note of those wishes or inform your attorney. “In my practice, I ask clients to inform me of any specific items that they wish to give to an individual prior to the general distribution of personal possessions to the family members. This information is then formalized in the will or referenced in a trust so the intent of the decedent is clear. In some cases, I have pictures of the items in my files to identify the specific items. This process eliminates the problems where someone states that a specific item was promised to him or her,” says Reid.
- Talk with your family about your objects and to whom you would like to give them. Ask them to identify objects which they would like to have. It may feel strange, but it will save arguments and tears down the line.
- Have these conversations in a timely manner while you are in good physical and mental health.
- Consider having your family walk around your house with a pad of post-it notes and label what they would like to have. If two people want the same item, play referee and make the final decision.
- For valuable antiques and art collections, some collectors just stipulate that it all go to auction, and that any family member who wants something can just bid, knowing that they can pay with their portion of the auction proceeds.
- If talking to your family about your objects feels too difficult, bring in an objective third party, such as a family friend or even an attorney, to help facilitate the discussion.
- Finally, Reid advises, “Finally, it is helpful to have a strong personal representative (executor) or trustee who will ensure a fair and equitable distribution of personal possessions not designated in a will or trust for a specific individual to family members.”
Thinking about one’s own mortality is difficult, but Richmond urges everyone he knows not to put off planning for the future of their personal possessions. Ultimately, he says, “it’s your stuff, and you should be the one who decides where it goes.”
Erika Holst is curator of collections at the Springfield Art Association.
This article appears in Capital City Senior July 2015.
