I am a bridesmaid in a wedding in four months and haven’t been able to think of a guy to be my date. I recently met a guy at a party. He is the friend of a friend and is cute and funny and seemed really nice. He lives two hours away, so it isn’t easy to meet for coffee or something, but I thought I could ask him to be my date for this wedding and see where things go from there. –Single Bridesmaid
Taking a guy to a wedding on the first date is like taking a cow sightseeing at a slaughterhouse.
On a first date, the only person asking “So, are you two next?” should be a counterperson at Starbucks. The commitment-ganza first date also goes against the three things I always say first dates should be: cheap, short, and local. That way, even if you and a guy hit it off like the Israelis and the Palestinians, you can probably stick it out for a polite 59 minutes of happy-hour drinks and then bail – in a way you can’t if you’ve signed up for a wedding ceremony, a four-course sit-down dinner, and people you don’t know crying on your sleeve and throwing up on your shoes.
Beyond this being the wrong venue for a first date, inviting a near stranger four months in advance has to come off weird and desperate. This far ahead, a guy has to wonder why there isn’t another male soul in your life you could ask – and wonder who’s next on your list if he says no, the wino living under the bus shelter? (On a positive note, that guy would especially appreciate the open bar.) Also consider that there’s a reason this guy hasn’t asked you out, and it’s probably that he isn’t interested or isn’t interested enough to date a woman he has to travel two hours to see. (A guy who’d date the 7 who lives around the block would probably need her to be a sexually gifted 11.5 to make up for the two-hour drive.)
But there is an upside in the rubble of all these downsides. If you can accept that you won’t have a date for the wedding, you might find a date at the wedding by turning it into an opportunity to strike up conversations with interesting and possibly handsome strangers. Who knows, you might even meet a really great guy for you – one who gets that glimmer in his eye, realizing there’s no better woman to invite on a first date to either his nephew’s circumcision or his grandma’s funeral.
© 2014, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave., #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (advicegoddess.com). Weekly radio show: blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon