I’m 22 and deeply in love with the wrong person – my uncle-in-law (my mom’s sister’s husband). We started confiding in each other, one thing led to another, and we’ve been sleeping together for over a year. I’m so drawn to him. He’s magnetic, charming, a great person and a devoted dad. I know I need to end this, and before my family discovers it, but my lust for him seems insatiable. –Drowning

It’s sometimes good to confide things of a personal nature to one’s uncle – like that your mother always loved your brother more, not that you aren’t wearing any panties.

Don’t kid yourself that you’re into the guy for all of his great qualities, like what a “devoted dad” he is – a term not typically used to describe a dad devoted to sneaking out to meet his niece for sex. Your “insatiability” is textbook behavioral conditioning. Lab rats that only sporadically get a pellet when they push the little bar become obsessed with pushing it. Rats that get a pellet every time will stop pushing when they’re no longer hungry and go about their ratty business. Likewise, if this guy were totally available – if you could get sex pellets on demand – you’d stop seeing him through a junkie’s glazed eyes and notice who he actually is: a guy who doesn’t care enough about devastating his wife and kids to keep his willy in its cage.

You aren’t going to stop lusting after Uncle Romeo; what you can stop is the behavior that follows: running off to have a sex date with him. Tell him it’s over, and then come up with replacement behavior – maybe doing an hour of killer cardio – to plug in whenever the uncle lust bubbles up. To help maintain your resolve, especially at first, consider the kind of woman you want to be. Do the sorts of things this woman would do and avoid doing the sorts of things (and people) she wouldn’t. For example, it might be nice to find a guy who loves being around your family, but not because he’s already married to somebody in it. And finally, when you’re thinking of activities more in keeping with the new you, consider the obvious – that if you’re meeting your sex partners at family gatherings, you really need to get out more.

© 2014, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (advicegoddess.com). Weekly radio show: blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon

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