Trapped in a body? Here’s an easy and effective diet you might try - the Flat Belly Diet from the folks at Prevention Magazine. Basically this plan guides you through five days of cleansing (cleansing, meaning eliminating soda and fast food burgers and all the processed, empty calorie, bad-for-us-anyway foods). A specially-prepared water accompanies regular foods, many that are probably sitting in your cabinet right now. Following the week of cleansing, you are allowed three meals a day and a snack of whatever foods you want to eat, but each meal should total 400 calories. An added secret to the diet is adding beneficial fats from items such as nuts.

Buy the workbook for all the details. It includes charts to track your food and calorie intake each day and journal space with questions to prompt you into thinking about the emotional or situational pitfalls to your overeating or unhealthy eating. The system is available online too, offering a one month free incentive currently. That’s the skinny basics, besides adding exercise if you will to further escape your current weight.

Plus: It works. You feel better. It’s easy. No starving. Eat the foods you normally eat (after the five days) Minus: You’ll probably have to purchase items for the first five days. Measuring and calculating your calorie intake, but the entire process can be eye-opening as to food ingredients and portions.

Something about the Springfield rail consolidation seems to have spooked Sen. Dick Durbin, our senior Illinois senator in Washington. Maybe it was the State Journal-Register article today that has Springfield Mayor Mike Houston and Sangamon County Board Chairman Andy Van Meter disagreeing with the "official" federal estimates of the project's cost.

 Whatever the cause, Durbin is calling together the entire Illinois Congressional delegation to meet with Houston, Van Meter and representatives from engineering firm Hanson Professional Services for a little discussion about federal funding options.

 Durbin wrote:

“I am writing to request your participation in a meeting to discuss possible rail consolidation in Springfield.  As you may know, there have been several conflicting accounts regarding the size, scope and price of rail consolidation options currently under review. Two years ago, many of us gathered for a similar meeting with the goal of finding a path forward on Springfield rail consolidation.  That meeting was helpful in keeping all of the parties at the table and ultimately resulted in a Memorandum of Understanding.”

The letter was also sent to the Illinois Department of Transportation Secretary, Gary Hannig; Federal Railroad Administration, Joe Szabo; the CEOs of the three major railroads Norfolk Southern, Union Pacific and Canadian National; and Amtrak CEO Joe Boardman.

 This could be a big deal for Springfield, because the funding mechanism has thus far been pretty nebulous. If Houston and Van Meter can nail down the cost and some money to back it up, it will be a huge victory, regardless of what corridor the consolidation eventually takes.

 Here's the full text of the release in PDF form: http://www.illinoistimes.com/Springfield/file-99-.pdf

We all like to see homegrown Illinois businesses succeed, but sometimes they get a little too cocky. That may be the case with Chicago-based Groupon.

The Internet startup, which offers one discount coupon per day for various U.S. cities, is being sued in a San Francisco federal court for alleged "false and misleading business and advertising acts" the company utilizes on Google. Our fellow altweekly, the San Francisco Bay Guardian, has the story:

"In essence, the tour company claims that Groupon is dominating Google searches with offerings for discounted local tours — of, say, Alcatraz — that don't actually exist."

Meanwhile, Harvard business professor Benjamin Edelman condemns the company for its alleged abuse of consumer protection laws.

%uFFFDThis does not bode well for Groupon as it tries to take the company public, especially as potential investors grow concerned about the company's business model.

"In the days since Groupon Inc. filed papers for an initial public offering of its shares, pundits and analysts have pored over the daily online deals provider’s financial numbers — and raised serious questions about its long-term viability.%uFFFD "

%uFFFDNormally, we here in Springfield probably don't care much about whether a Chicago-based Internet business succeeds or fails, but there's a lot of state money on the line. In October 2010, Gov. Pat Quinn gave Groupon a $3.5 million "business investment package" to help them expand. The company essentially gets $3.5 million in tax credits over the next 10 years in return for a promise to create 250 jobs and stay in Illinois. Quinn later appointed Groupon co-Founder and chairman Brad Keywell to his Illinois Innovation Council, which is supposed to recommend ways to make the state more tech savvy for business.

These challenges to Groupon's business model and practices come at a time when Illinoisans are starting to feel like big businesses have Illinois over a barrel. The State Journal-Register has an Associated Press story today detailing the sweet tax deals the state has doled out.

%uFFFDWe'll see whether these setbacks turn out to be a minor bump in the road for Groupon or a major regret for the entire state.

Two newspaper articles, 12 days and at least one school board member’s questions later, the CEO of Springfield Public Schools says he’s not yet able to discuss a Public School Choice waiver application that would decrease the number of students’ families notified about potential options for moving from their failing school from more than 4,000 to about 40.

Public School Choice is a No Child Left Behind initiative that requires any school that fails to meet standards for two straight years to offer its students a chance to move to a better-performing school. Though students can be transferred to any school, District 186 only sends kids from Title I schools to other Title I schools. Title I is the federal legislation that provides additional funding for high-poverty schools. The district’s Title I coordinator, Larry McVey, told Illinois Times last month that he sent a draft application for a waiver, which would reduce the number of required parental notifications, to the Illinois State Board of Education and was waiting for feedback to see if the waiver would be deemed appropriate. I wrote about the issue on Thursday, May 26, and the State Journal-Register published a report about the waiver request the next day.

District 186 Superintendent Dr. Walter Milton said after Monday night’s school board meeting that he hadn’t seen any media reports regarding the waiver request and that he couldn’t comment on the issue because he had not yet discussed it with McVey.

Obviously, I like to think people read the stuff I write, so I’m less than thrilled to hear that Milton wasn’t “aware” of my article, but the more important aspect of this, worth the concern of the general public, is that the Public School Choice waiver was included in the district’s Title I plan. That plan was supposed to be approved by the school board at last night’s meeting. McVey first presented the plan to the school board – and Dr. Walter Milton – three weeks earlier, and at least one school board member prior to the meeting had requested from Milton more information specifically about Public School Choice.

Fortunately, the district has a little bit of time. McVey told board members last night that the waiver application, if the district chooses to officially submit it, isn’t due until June 30 (ISBE’s website says July 30). At Monday’s meeting, Milton suggested continuing the conversation at a later date, after he had a chance to meet with McVey, and school board members chose to push a vote on the district’s Title I plan until the next meeting, June 20.

The waiver is included in the district’s Title I plan, the approval of which was scheduled for Monday night but was delayed due to needed language clarifications and questions from school board members regarding the waiver request.

After the meeting, Milton pretty much shut down my waiver line of questions: “I think if you ask me this question probably next board meeting, I’ll be able to give you a specific response. I’m just not one to give a response that I haven’t spent too much time dealing with. So my goal is to sit down with Mr. McVey and have a very specific conversation with him. I haven’t had that as of yet.”

Well, I’m not patient enough not to ask my questions for two more weeks, so here those questions are, for those of you who do pay attention to Springfield news outlets:

• If the district does not have to transfer, and has never even come close to transferring, all of those students to whom the option is given and who apply for a move, why reduce the number of students whose families receive notification about Public School Choice? Doesn’t a decrease from more than 4,000 notifications to a mere 40 simply reduce the level of transparency regarding the district’s failing schools?

• I understand that many low-income students require additional supports, which are provided at other Title I schools (which receive extra federal dollars), but studies show that mixing low-income kids with middle-income and wealthy students can help boost low-income students’ academic achievement. Also, a look at District 186’s high-poverty schools's performances versus its lower-poverty schools' performaces shows that high poverty schools do not perform as well as lower poverty schools. Is this a segregation issue? Does the federal Title I funding policy create an incentive for income-based segregation?

I guess that's all for now. I'm looking forward to the June 20 meeting and some real discussion.

Almost anyone who took out student loans during college will be glad to hear this news: There's a bill before Congress to allow private student loans to be discharged through bankruptcy. That's a major step forward, and here's why: student loans are the only type of private loan with a federal "no-escape" clause. If you file for bankruptcy and get forgiveness of a house loan, car loan, medical bills, etc, you'll still have to pay your student loans. If you die, your private student loans still have to be paid, and it's usually your parents or your kids who wind up footing the bill, even if they didn't co-sign for the loans. (Some banks will forgive loans upon death, but not all do, and they're under no obligation to do so.)

The bill, S3219 was introduced by our senior U.S. Sen. Dick Durbin and has lots of support from lots of good-government groups.

I'm ashamed to admit that I owe lots of money in student loans. I worked a nearly full-time job during all of college and most of grad school, but I still couldn't afford to pay my tuition without taking loans. I'm not planning to file for bankruptcy just to discharge them, but it's comforting to know that if I lost my job and couldn't make my payments, I would have that option.

 The real problem here, however, is the cost of secondary education. It's pretty important to go to college these days if you want to make something of yourself, exceptions like Bill Gates aside. But it seems somehow wrong that you should have to start your adult life in debt. Is that how we help people "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" in this country? We tell kids they have to go to college and get an education, but unless their parents or someone else pays for their education, we don't tell them that they'll come out the other side with an average of $22,049 for a four-year degree in Illinois. (I'm not even going to tell you how much I had to borrow for my Master's degree...it sickens me.) College simply costs more than it should, for reasons I don't fully understand. That's the real problem that needs to be addressed, but this is a good start in the right direction. 

To learn a little bit more about the history of student loans, check out this article from the Consumerist: Student Loans, Gateway Drug to Debt Slavery.

Here's the release on the bill from Durbin: PDF

Okay, this actually happened, and I was there to bear witness.

Raekwon from Wu-Tang Clan did indeed play a set as part of Bar None’s weekly “Torch Tuesday” hip-hop showcase. To put this morning’s wee-hours performance into a sort of cross-cultural (read: white people) perspective, imagine Neil Young just magically appearing at a typical acoustic singer-songwriter open mic night. Or maybe the Pope casually showing up to deliver an impromptu sermon at the local Catholic parish. That comes close to approximating the level of influence and esteem that Raekwon carries among his audience, as well as the level of incredulity felt by locals. In the words of one freaked-out fan: “Am I in downtown Springfield? This is just nuts.”

The Staten Island-bred rap legend didn’t find his way to the stage until well after 1 AM, following three hours of sporadic sets by aspiring hip-hop artists both regional and far-flung, including Springfield’s Jesse James (who was nearly ejected from the club when he arrived smoking a cigar), Chicago’s oddly Dave Attell-esque Mic One (“I’m on my own dick like a schizophrenic faggot.” Um, charmed, I’m sure.), and Decatur’s intriguing, violin-wielding Tebe Zalango.

You might think that an appearance by an artist of Raekwon’s stature would easily draw a thronging, capacity crowd to a small venue like Bar None. Indeed, it was easy to picture a miniaturized version of the near-riot conditions seen in the Wu-Tang concert documentary Rock the Bells. The reality, as it turned out, was nothing so fearsome. A steep ($50.00!) ticket price combined with negligible publicity to keep the audience, shall we say, sparse.

The track-suit, ball cap and sunglass-clad Raekwon kept it positive, offering his benediction by proclaiming the younger, greener performers “real.” He humbly stated, “I bumped into fame but what matters most is the music,” adding that he wasn’t concerned about playing to a small audience as long as it had heart. His set contained the expected renditions of classic Wu-Tang tracks like “C.R.E.A.M,” solo hits along the lines of “Incarcerated Scarfaces” and even the excellent, lesser known “Eye for an Eye,” a  1995 collaboration with Mobb Deep. The crowd, such as it was, was rapt and giddy in the spell of their roly-poly hip-hop hero, all too aware that Torch Tuesday, and Springfield itself, may never see his like again.

I keep hearing there's going to be a rapture this Saturday. If that's true, I'm pretty excited.

I totally love dinosaurs!

Clever girl...

For most people who don’t follow state politics, May is just another month. But inside the Illinois Statehouse, this month is a whirlwind of activity in which legislators try to hammer out deals and ram legislation through so they can go on summer vacation. (There’s also the minor fact that any bills passed after May 31 won’t take effect until June 1 of next year unless they get a three-fifths majority, but I think that’s a secondary concern. Most legislators just want to get some free time to play Portal 2.) Here’s a look at some of the bigger issues legislators are working on.

1) The budget – Expect lots of cuts to social services, which means lots more depressing news stories about how children, the elderly, the sick and the poor are suffering without enough help from the state. And the budget process is a pretty big deal this year, for two reasons:

-This is the first budget crafted under new rules geared toward keeping the total dollar amount under a certain cap. It’s meant to limit spending growth so the state can get to work on eliminating debt.

 -The House and Senate are actually creating specific line-by-line budgets for each agency, instead of just giving the governor a wad of cash and sending him to the store to grab whatever we need, and maybe a little something extra for being a good boy. It’s a sign that maybe, just maybe, lawmakers are getting serious about fixing the state’s financial problems.

2) Pension payments for state workers – They’ve already reduced benefits and raised the amount future workers will pay for them, but now the legislature is looking at requiring existing state workers to pay more for their benefits or downgrade to a second “tier” of benefits. The unions will almost certainly file a lawsuit if this happens, because the Illinois Constitution forbids “diminishing or impairing” those benefits. Expect a protracted court battle and an eventual compromise that leaves both sides scrunching their noses.

3) Workers compensation – When you get hurt on the job (or sometimes off the job) and can’t work for awhile, the workers’ comp system attempts to help you stay warm and fed while you’re recovering. But recently, Republicans and the business lobby have called for reforms that, among other things, require claims show “causation” – that the injury actually occurred on the job. The reform package was stalled because of that sticking point, but Speaker Michael Madigan may let the House vote on a bill to nuke the entire system and let the courts handle those cases. That threat will probably spur some movement on the real reform bill, but causation probably won’t be part of the final package.

4) Redistricting – Every 10 years, the legislature pretends to be concerned as numerous groups – often ethnic or religious minorities – plead for more/better representation in the statehouse. (That might be unfair of me; perhaps lawmakers really are concerned, but whatever concern there may be never seems to translate into more representative maps.) This year, the Democrat-dominated redistricting committee has the huge task of designing districts that give minority voters a larger voice while still retaining the political advantage of sticking opponents in districts where they can be more easily unseated in the next election. Expect the new map to include some interesting changes, especially in Chicago, where a new influence/crossover/coalition districts will have to be created to account for shifts in black and Latino populations. (Senate Redistricting - House Redistricting)

5) Utility rate hike – ComEd wants to charge more for power again, but this time, they’re offering something in return. They say the rate hike would go toward creating a SmartGrid that would save consumers money in the long run. (SmartGrids allow you to schedule your power consumption and allow the power companies to do all sorts of neat stuff to increase efficiency/lower costs.) The problem is that Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan says ComEd’s proposal is really unfair to consumers, and she walked away from negotiations last week, likely stalling any progress. Expect a last-minute change of heart on ComEd’s part to push something through, if they're serious about wanting to implement this project.

6) Medical marijuana – Lawmakers pushing this idea have done pretty much everything they can to make sure it doesn’t wind up like California’s medical pot law, in which pretty much everyone can get high legally. The bill still failed, even despite support from Republican House leader Tom Cross, but it’s on postponed consideration in the House, which means it could pop up for a “do-over” vote at any time.

7) Concealed carry of firearms – Pretty much the same situation as medical marijuana. It failed when it came up for a vote, but it could resurface at any time. Every other state except Wisconsin allows some form of concealed (or open) carry, but Chicago’s anti-gun influence is pretty strong on the issue.

8) Cheesecake day! – This is my favorite. It’s a tradition that one of the constitutional officers (in past years it was the Treasurer, in my recollection) buys a bunch of delicious cheesecakes out of their own pocket and shares them with anyone who happens by their office in the Capitol. This year, it looks like the Comptroller will be doing it on May 25. If you’re in the building, grab a fork. But please don’t abuse this…I love cheesecake, and I might forkstab somebody if this tradition disappears because of Hoggish Greedly.

In an inexplicable piece of happenstance, one of the most famous and respected rap artists in the world will be performing in downtown Springfield tomorrow night -- Tuesday, May 17th -- in a bar that can’t even legally admit 100 people. Yes, Raekwon the Chef himself will be, um, “cooking up some marvelous shit to get your mouth watering” this week at Bar None (427 E. Monroe), as part of Torch Tuesdays, the club’s weekly hip-hop showcase.

The legendary Wu-Tang stalwart made his debut on the nine-man crew’s massively influential 1993 disc, Enter the Wu-Tang and threw his hat in the ring as a solo artist in ‘95 with Only Built For Cuban Linx, still widely considered a high-water mark for both gangsta rap and hip-hop in general. In ’09 he came out with the much anticipated Cuban Linx Pt. II and recently followed up last year’s full length Method Man-Ghostface Killah team-up by releasing the ambitious Shaolin vs. Wu-Tang.

For information call (217) 801-8844 or email wizeguyzpromos@ymail.com . Tickets are $50.00.

The idea is obviously a dud; trying to work out a mechanism for enforcement would be a bureaucratic nightmare. I think a lot of people realized that, including Cultra himself, and so it got a little bit of press coverage and probably should have died there.

But some people can’t leave well enough alone. We’ve all had the experience of being in a conversation with one person when a third person comes along and injects some random thought that apparently came from the farthest regions of left field. When that happens, everyone else just stands there in awkward silence for awhile.

PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), the eyeroll-inducing anti-meat group, dutifully took up the role of conversation killer following Cultra’s statement today when the group announced it was planning to erect a billboard in Springfield that says “Feeding Kids Meat Is Child Abuse.”

Now, I’m a vegetarian myself. I stopped eating meat about two years ago because of health concerns and moral convictions. And I tend to agree with PETA that eating vegetarian/vegan is healthier overall. (I lost 20 pounds when I stopped eating meat, and I have more energy and a more positive outlook now.)

%uFFFDBut PETA’s announcement (PDF) was so outlandish, graceless and completely out of context that I could only do this:%uFFFD

Until PETA injected their entirely unsolicited opinion and hijacked the conversation, meat wasn’t even part of the discussion, nor was child abuse.

%uFFFDAnd let’s put this in perspective. If feeding children meat is child abuse, so is letting them ride a bike or go swimming. The chances of a child getting hit by a car or drowning in the pool are low enough that a reasonable parent can accept the risk. Likewise, the chances of a child becoming obese simply from eating meat are pretty slim. (That pun wasn’t intentional, but I’ll take any laugh I can get.) There are a plethora of more influential causes of childhood obesity, and pretending like meat is the worst among them is disingenuous at best.

%uFFFDUltimately, PETA’s hyperbole does more to alienate people than it does to convince them to try skipping the meat. Apparently, the virulently anti-meat loudmouths have never heard the adage that “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” Maybe if they stuck with extolling the virtues of the vegetarian and vegan lifestyles, other people might see their ads as informative instead of inflammatory.

%uFFFDTheir billboard announcement brings to mind one of my favorite jokes:

%uFFFD“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Vegan.”

“Vegan who?”

“I’m better than you!”

This is the first post in our new IT Overflow blog, where we'll post all sorts of news, including stuff that doesn't fit in our normal paper or stuff that maybe doesn't warrant a full article. We'll try to update it often, and the style will be less formal than our normal news stories. Expect some sarcasm, quirkiness and editorializing, as well as the occasional breaking news story. The name may change if we come up with something more catchy. Here goes! ======================================================================================

Updates below!

When something seems too good to be true, I'm naturally skeptical. So when I got a press release for the new Illinois Rx card - a completely free card offering discounts on prescription drugs at 56,000 pharmacies nationwide, all I could think was "What's the catch?"

The card is the brainchild of Ryan Jumonville, the 30-something, Louisiana-born president and CEO of United Networks America (UNA). Jumonville appeared at a press conference in the Illinois Capitol on Wednesday to promote the card, answering my plethora of probing questions that sought to discover whatever secret I assumed must be hidden in this deal.

Apparently, there is no catch or secret. The card is completely free to anyone in Illinois, regardless of age, medical condition, income, insurance status, or pizza topping preference. I asked about pretty much every aspect I could think of, and (almost) all of the answers from Jumonville and his team were satisfactory. UNA doesn't collect any information about card users, Jumonville says, and the cards work for all generic and name-brand prescription medications, including the expensive ones for diseases like cancer and AIDS. There is no obligation or contract if you use the card, and it's not funded by any government money.

It works through agreements with the pharmacies, who voluntarily offer discounts on prescription medicines to anyone presenting the Illinois Rx Card. Why would pharmacies agree to slash their prices? Jumonville says participating in the program is not so much about stealing customers from other pharmacies, but rather about generating entirely new customers - getting people who normally can't afford prescription medications to actually come buy them. He says the model has been proven in neighboring states like Indiana and Missouri.

The only question I have left is how UNA makes money from this deal. It's obviously a business venture for them, as evidenced by this 2005 story in Business Report magazine about Jumonville's plan rolling out in other states. (Warning: PDF file) The article says in the case of Arizona's program, UNA makes its money from a $1.80 fee paid each time the card is used. Because the card is free to the end user, I assume it must be the pharmacies paying the fee, though I'm not sure if the same arrangement exists in Illinois' version. UNA features the article on its "About Us" page here. When I asked Jumonville about how the company profits, he essentially said it's not important. As much as I hate to admit it, he may be right. I've wracked my brain trying to figure out a way that UNA's mechanism for profiting from this venture affects the end user, but I simply haven't been able to come up with a single thing.

So there you have it. I've tried my best to be a buzzkill, a role reporters often must fill, but the Illinois Rx Card seems to be legitimate. Get more info and decide for yourself at http://illinoisrxcard.com.

One more thing I forgot to mention: The Illinois Rx Card team worked with the Greater Springfield Chamber of Commerce to get the project rolling, which should lend it some additional credibility.

Another one more thing: Just to be crystal clear, this is not an endorsement of the Illinois Rx Card or any person, company or program associated with it. No one paid me to write this, and everything in this post is true to the best of my knowledge.

UPDATE: NPR talks about drug coupons hiding the true costs from consumers - http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113969968

I'm not sure if that applies to the Illinois Rx Card, because this card isn't geared toward any particular medicine, and it works for both generic and name-brand meds. Still, it's an interesting read.

UPDATE 2: I got a call yesterday (May 17) from someone who knows a bit more about how these things work. He explained that it's kind of like a referral system: each card has a number on it that corresponds to the card company that issued the card, and each time a card is used, the card company gets a payment, which I guess you could call a commission. The pharmaceutical companies and pharmacies benefit because more people are buying prescriptions, while the consumer benefits from supposedly lower prices. (Though a commenter on our Facebook page said she checked the price on her existing prescription, and it was even more expensive the card than what she currently pays.)

The living rebuke to any Beatles-era baby boomers fond of lamenting the lack of melody and harmony in today’s pop music -- namely The New Pornographers -- will be playing at the Canopy Club in Urbana tonight, and I for one could not be more thrilled to have tickets.

The Canada-based indie rock combo is grounded in the More-Hooks-Than-A-Live-Bait-Shop songwriting of bandleader A.C. Newman -- but his tricky, addictive tunes are just the beginning of the treasures this band offers up. In the tradition of classic pop groups such as the aforementioned Fab Four, The Kinks and XTC, The New Pornographers boast a secret weapon, a “second string” songwriter who only comes up with two or three tracks per album – but those tracks are often the best things on there. Dan Bejar (legendary in his own right as the leader of art-rockers Destroyer) is the NP’s equivalent of George Harrison, Dave Davies or Colin Moulding, and he never fails to deliver amazing, eccentric songs that almost act as ornate frames surrounding Newman’s sumptuous canvases. Bejar rarely tours with the band, though, and won’t be there in Urbana.

However, The New Pornographers do have another, not-so-secret weapon in their arsenal, and she will definitely be at the Canopy tonight. Neko Case has been breaking hearts and blowing minds as a solo artist since 1997 in a career that was at first entrenched in the “alt country” ghetto but has recently taken a more baroque, personal direction on the CD’s Fox Confessor Brings The Flood and the Grammy-nominated Middle Cyclone. Case’s soaring, full-throated voice is truly a force of nature (think Patsy Cline with the intensity of Diamanda Galás) and within the confines of The New Pornographers, her harmonies combine with those of Newman, Bejar and keyboardist Kathryn Calder%uFFFD -- also a great solo talent in her own right -- to put icing on the band’s already delicious pastries. Elsewhere, Case’s occasional lead vocals hit the listener in the gut with a joyful vengeance.

I know it’s unbecoming for a critic to gush with so many superlatives and overwrought metaphors (Paintings? Pastries? Come on, man). But when it comes to this band, it seems that my critical faculties are effectively neutralized. Like I said, I couldn’t be more thrilled to have tickets.

Tickets for tonight are still available here:

http://www.canopyclub.com/canopy.php#

And here are a couple of videos:

Once again, I must apologize for being so lackadaisical about posting here. I’m happy to report, however, that I haven’t stopped blogging because I’ve fallen off the wagon. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I’ve been training intensely for my first marathon, and the big day is this Sunday! I’ve put in my double-digit miles on Saturdays, including a 20-mile run last weekend. I’m extremely excited about the race, and it will be a huge milestone in my life.

I started running to lose weight in college, and somewhere along the way, I’ve tricked myself into actually enjoying it. Call me crazy, but there’s something rejuvenating about being outside and seeing the city and the countryside in slow-motion. And though it may seem counter-intuitive, the exhaustion that comes with running such long distances is somehow relaxing to me, like an off-switch for my brain.

I’ve run the Lincoln Memorial Half Marathon the past two years and always enjoyed it, but this year, I’ve decided to step up the effort and go all out. I’m headed to St. Louis tomorrow, and the race starts at 7 a.m. on April 10.It's 26.2 miles through the St. Louis downtown. More info here: http://www.gostlouis.org/marathon-weekend.html

A bonus benefit of this training is that I no longer feel intimidated by long runs. Now that I know I can do 20 miles, I feel like I can do any distance at all, as long as I take my time and remain confident. With that in mind, I’ve decided not to let this marathon be a peak for me. I’m going to keep adding distance indefinitely to see how far I can go. I may even get into triathlons. With the beautiful spring weather finally here, there is almost unlimited potential for fun and fitness outside. If you’ve been putting off getting in shape for some reason, now is the perfect time to start. It’s never too late!

 Have a great weekend. I know I will!

In the market for a movie date this coming Valentine’s Day but want to avoid the usual RomCom clichés? Affairs of the heart have rarely been so absurdly and ineptly dramatized as they are in The Room, a notorious and unintentionally hilarious cult film oft -reputed to be "the Citizen Kane of bad movies," which is starting at Champaign's Art Theater on Friday, February 11.

Director-writer-star-producer-executive producer (yes, he's a quintuple-threat) Tommy Wiseau spent millions of his own money to bring his vision to the screen, and no amount of description --or warning -- can adequately prepare the viewer for the noxious masterpiece of cluelessness that is The Room. The plot, such as it is, is sub-soap opera fodder: Johnny (Wiseau, simultaneously sleepwalking and overacting) is engaged to Lisa (the repugnant Juliette Danielle); she is having an affair with Mark (Greg Sestero, apparently carved from balsawood); oh yeah, Mark just happens to be Johnny's "best friend." That's pretty much the extent of the story. But the myriad ways the filmmakers manage to botch this simplest and most well-trodden of narratives is mindboggling. The film's 99 minutes consist of a seemingly endless parade of unnecessary subplots, stilted dialogue, gratuitous sex scenes and even-more-gratuituous impromptu football games.

But unlike most purely bad films, The Room never fails to entertain -- a fact which might even call into question its "bad film" status. Wiseau's flailing, desperate attempts at drama and pathos are so sincerely and passionately misguided that at times the viewer almost begins to root for him to get something right (spoiler: he doesn't). Over the years since its initial release, screenings of The Room have become wild, noisy, interactive events a-la Rocky Horror Picture Show, including call-and-response routines with the screen, pickup football games in the aisles and, inexplicably enough, torrential storms of plastic spoons.

So grab your sweetheart and check in to The Room this Valentine’s Day. You could do worse than basking in Tommy Wiseau’s romantic and cinematic failures: rest assured that whatever problems you might be working through, it probably will never get this bad.

Here's the trailer:

For Directions and showtimes visit http://www.thecuart.com/

The following was my first published piece of writing. I submitted it to the Illinois Times in November of 1987, at age 20, and it led to my unofficial position as go-to rock music writer for the paper over the next three years. More than two decades on, it still seems almost inconceivable that the Dead Milkmen and Mojo Nixon actually did a show at the PCCC. But it happened. I was there. And here’s what I wrote about it:

Okay. I exaggerate. There are the occasional curious middle-aged passersby, a few thirty-year-olds in Ramones T-shirts, and, of course, a number of college students. The key word tonight, though, is Kids. Kids and Hormones. And Denim.

After the lights have dimmed, I make my way through the throng of miniskirts, hoops, and Mohawks to get a glimpse of Baltek, the opening act. What can you say about a band that comes across as a hybrid of all the worst aspects of Iggy Pop and Johnny Cash? Heavy metal train songs must’ve looked good on paper, but Baltek doesn’t have an original bone in its body. No one seems to mind. No one seems to listen, either: the girls compare eye makeup, the T-shirt stand does a booming business, and everyone waits for something interesting to happen. Soon the lights are on again.

I patiently await the arrival of the first of the two headliners. Watching the teen rituals going on around me, I have to resist the impulse to join in; they all seem to be having so much fun that it’s hard not to be jealous of them. I get the sense that these kids realize what a rare treat this is, and that this town will probably never play host to another “New Music Concert.” The kids are squeezing it for all the deviate pleasure it’s worth. Before I can affect my own transformation into a teenybopper, though, Mojo Nixon appears from the wings. His partner, virtuoso washboardist Skid Roper, has been standing nonchalantly onstage for around ten minutes, awaiting his partner and, like me, enjoying the view. Here’s where the real fun begins.

Mojo Nixon turns out to be a powderkeg, an insane foot-stompin’ pissed-off intellectual hillbilly with a dirty mouth and a crude, perceptive sense of humor. It’s not so much that he’s an original: he unapologetically steals riffs and lyrics from people as far apart as John Lee Hooker and Jonathan Richman, and his satirical targets (MTV, Elvis-worshippers, urine testing, yuppies in European cars, Tammy Bakker, etc.), while fresh as the day’s headlines, are also grist for the mill of every standup comic working today. No, it’s the simple vision of a little man in a flannel shirt having one heck of a good time raving about what he believes in that makes Mojo great. Backed only by the sound of his own electric guitar and his pal Skid’s washboard, Mojo’s hedonistic indignation is the committed reaction of a man stuck in a world that he sees going straight to hell.

Which isn’t to say that’s how the audience sees him tonight. There are some Mojo devotees, but it’s mainly kids waiting for an excuse to slamdance.

A slamdance is not a pretty sight once it revs up. Even standing on the periphery, I receive a few bruises and seven crushed toes. Close to where I’m standing, a pretty girl who can’t be any older than fourteen does her best to avoid the melee. Suddenly, though, in one of her valiant attempts to see the band over the crowd, she is swept up by a wave of flailing bodies and into the heart of the slamming sea at the foot of the stage. All that’s left is the lingering smell of her perfume, as I watch in horror and Mojo Nixon keeps banging away.

The lights come up again, and I’m getting a little tired. To be quite honest, I’ve never been a big Dead Milkmen fan up to this point, and personal suspense is not high. However, the crowd is energized and ready for some snot-rock (that’s what the Milkmen play; they’re too innocuous to be accurately labeled “punk,” but they are very snotty). It’s not long before the band emerges, and it makes me wonder: how come low-budget outfits are so much more reliable than big money acts? Count on a three-hour wait for Starship, but the Dead Milkmen, heck, they’re punctual.

Lead by non-singer Rodney Anonymous and non-guitarist Joe Jack Talcum, the Milkmen put on a predictably wacky and frenetic show, punctuated by bracing but harmless obscenity. The Dead Milkmen are imps. Rodney Anonymous looks like Tom Hulce did in Amadeus, a little kid who can’t believe that all eyes are actually on him. Not that anyone’s going to compare the Dead Milkmen’s music to Mozart. They specialize in silly ditties like “The Laundromat Song,” “Nutrition” (“at least I give a shit about the stuff I eat…”), and the classic “Bitchin’ Camaro.” They play fake country, fake funk, fake heavy metal, fake reggae, and more, effortlessly switching from one inept style-approximation to the next.

But the audience is having a great time, and so am I. More than once I find myself non-singing along with the loopy, catchy choruses; again and again I catch myself laughing. The slamdance crowd has gone bongo, and the security guys are sweating buckets, their steroid-injection tracks glistening in the half-light as they toss the more zealous of the dancers out the door. When the band actually gets called back for an encore (Rodney A.: “Thanks, I didn’t think we were that good tonight.”) they play the best music of the evening, climaxing with the (real) funk of “Swordfish” combined with their satirical club hit “You’ll Dance To Anything.” Joe Jack Talcum plays some hilariously great guitar on this one, using an empty liquor bottle for a slide. When the Dead Milkmen leave the stage, everyone’s appetite for snot-rock has been sated.

It’s distressing that in the current state of rock ‘n’ roll, everything that’s popular seems to consist of utterly inconsequential fluff (Madonna, Poison), or deadly serious “statements” (U2, Springsteen). That’s why a vulgar, funny shot-in-the-arm like Mojo Nixon is important every once in a while; and that’s why a lovably inept group of professional adolescents like the Dead Milkmen are more than a welcome change. It helps to see that someone can just go onstage without a fabulous light show and million dollar equipment and just have some good, adolescent fun. Actually, I thought that was what rock ‘n’ roll was about to begin with. Hats off to the performers at Springfield’s “New Music Concert.” The Prairie Capitol Convention Center may never see their like again.

Originally published in Illinois Times, vol. 13, No. 14, December 3-9, 1987