How’s that for a titillating title? Somehow the alliteration came as the bits fit together for this week’s suggestions. I could add bells and bring in the May 7 Bells in Motion concert, but let’s save that for next week.
The bomb in question refers to the infamous pipe bomb tossed by an unknown agitator that set off what is known to history as the Haymarket Square affair, riot, occurrence or massacre depending on whose side you’re on. It happened May 4, 1886, in Chicago, like it or not becoming part of our state legacy with international repercussions. That day’s demonstration was by all accounts peaceful, though tensions between striking workers and Pinkerton guards ran high. Only a day before, police killed several workers during a confrontation at a called general strike in support of an eight-hour work week and other vital labor issues of 125 years ago.
When the bomb exploded near the rally’s end, police and workers enjoined in a brief but brutal battle resulting in several deaths and injuries on both sides. Leaders of the movement were arrested, tried and convicted, then executed or given life sentences all without any real proof of guilt. The incident, reported as caused by foreign anarchists intent on destroying our America, put decent labor conditions on hold for nearly 50 years. By 1890 May 1 became the international day of the worker partly because of the Haymarket tragedy. May Day came to be celebrated as a day to recognize the efforts of laborers worldwide.
Three years ago, local activists and concerned citizens began a festival in Springfield to commemorate this historical event closely tied to our area and to the world. This Sunday, May 1, from 4 to 9, the Haymarket Festival celebrates 125 years of labor achievements and struggles in America. Recent activities by certain state governments show the battle to defend rights of workers is far from over and in fact it may be more intense than ever. In celebration, the festival presents music (me, Sarah Schneider Band, Chris Maxey Trio) and speakers (Terry Reed, Aaron Berkowitz, Richard Gilman-Opalsky) along with other happenings as well. Come take a moment to acknowledge a pivotal event in the history of fair and decent treatment to those giving time toiling for others’ gain.
Next in our romp is a brunch, the annual Spring Jazz Brunch. The Springfield Jazz Society formed in the mid-80s and soon began the yearly brunch to honor local jazz musicians and support the genre in general while eating, drinking and being merry with jazz music. The party is at the Springfield Motor Boat Club on Sunday, May 1, from noon to 3:30 with music supplied by Slu’s Brunch Bunch of Terry Brennan (keyboards), John Miller (guitar), Jimmy Walker (saxophone), John Sluzalis (drums) and Nathan Carls (vocals). Call 217-414-2955 to make a reservation. Attendance shows support of this exquisite American art form at its most local level. Come on kids, go get jazzed for a change.
The barbershop chorus part of our piece is actually a small, but very vocal portion of a much larger event at the Hoogland, Saturday, April 30, called a Musical Extravaganza. Joining the award-winning Land of Lincoln Chorus (directed by Mike Drake) are the Sound Celebration Chorus of Sweet Adelines (directed by Martha Eiter), Capital City Men’s Chorus (directed by Mary E. Myers), Menard County Singers (directed by Terri DePatis), Springfield Showstoppers youth group (directed by Pam Garcia) and your master of ceremonies for the evening, Mr. Gus Gordon. All the proceeds of this fabulous celebration of singing go to benefit the good work of the Center for the Arts.
Be good and be sure to back our burgeoning and bountiful arts community.
Contact Tom Irwin at tirwin@illinoistimes.com.
This event is put on by Marxists. It is not about workers. I expressed to on their Facebook event page that "while I like all of the bands involved and hope to see them in local venues when I can, I would not be attending this event because of the speaker Dr. Richard Gilman-Opalsky. The guy is a Marxist who rants violent revolutionary language and praises the Zapista rebels of Mexico and idolizes murderers such as Che Guevara.
After an argument with Drew Duzinskis, one of the evernts founders I began receiving anonymous threats against myself and my family from an unknown cell phone account set up using Google messenger which I reported to the FBI and local police. It turned out that Drew had decided to set upon me with a relentless campaign of terrorism and attempted intimidation. He later admitted to being behind the threats. I no longer consider him a friend though I have decided not to pursue charges.
However Drews actions show the true nature of the people behind this event. Just like the bomb throwing anarchists of the 19th century their intentions are violent. Anyone who supports this event in my opinion is not supporting workers rights. They are supporting the overthrow of capitalism, the over throw of the US government, Terrorism, intimidation, and violence. Not only will I not attend this event but I will also boycott any potential sponsors of the event.
In my short time on this earth, I have always felt the heart of a prankster beating within my barrel chest. I am drawn, perhaps unwisely, to doing things that would be deemed devious.
In youth, listening to The Jerky Boys opened up a new world of inappropriate, borderline criminal humour that sang to the rebel devil in my heart: The prank call.
The set up is always the same. An unwitting person is subjected to a seemingly random call from someone playing a comedic character. The caller says outrageous things to the businessperson or secretary on the other line and hilarity ensues.
As a younger man, I was aware of circles of people who had made a hobby out of prank calling talk radio stations in Chicago and was thrilled by the sounds of their master tape of illegal calls. I would liken the thrill as being similar to the graffiti experience really. It’s quite a rush to hear or make a call that while hurting no one, is very much against the rules.
It’s a rush that to this day, one I still revel in. There’s nothing quite like getting the telephonic drop on a friend who’s taken back by a strange character suddenly interacting with them. Also, in this day and age telecommunications subterfuge can be excessively easy.
Take for example, Google Voice. Google voice is a delightful little service Google offers that effectively give you a free telephone. You can send text messages from this number, as well as make calls by having GV connect first to your cell phone and then to the other persons. All these texts and calls come up as this number.
When I was invited to GV by Mike Mayberry, I was offered the option of searching for the availability of different number combinations. This meant I could spell something out with the numbers.
My devious nature reared its head, and I saw the prank potential of this control. All that was needed was the right word or words in the numbers to set up a good character, one that would be obviously over the top and with the improvisational flexibility to carry the scene.
It came to me out of some darkness in my heart, the answer:
Evil.
Four letters that could make up the end of a phone number belonging to an ominous dark character that would be ignored and bantered with by the right people. I half imagined the voice of the Necronomicon book in the Evil Dead movies, screaming out warnings of future misery. Evil would make idle predictions of people getting what’s coming to them, make insane evil demands, etc…In response, the person would either get scared (not good) or talk some good smack, which in turn is responded to with even wilder evil responses. So, this was how 224-725-EVIL was created.
In retrospect, I guess this idea was a little creepy. I mean random calls from dark ominous figure making weird demands and insinuations…sounds more like dramatic and less like comedic. However, in light of a culture that supports shock comedy like this through television weekly, I don’t think it’s out of line to think I’m the only one who finds this kind of stuff is funny. You haven’t been Punk’d, you’ve been Eviled.
With my newfound toy, I set out to have some fun eventually. I chose a handful of friends who I thought would get the joke and have good banter with Evil and sent out some text messages. The responses varied.
Some people were just plain boring. They could barely muster a “who is this” or “ok”. Some people just ignored it. Others carried on trying to determine my identity. Others bantered wittily, as I predicted they would. In the end, a good time was had by all. Or so I thought…
Alan Perry is a man who currently lives in Virginia, claims to be a working comedian, and is expecting a child. I met him while he was the MC and organizer of a Stand Up Comedy Open Mic at Bar None. I was very new to stand up comedy, and while I enjoyed it, felt overwhelmed by the skill and effort it takes to successfully do good stand up. Mind you, my opinion of good stand up is based on very high standards, and to be in its favor you have to be very good. That is to say I am not, nor will I ever be a good stand up comedian. Some of my material was borrowed (apparently a very big no-no) and rarely wrote it consistently otherwise.
However, Al didn’t charge $5 for an open mic like Donny B’s does every Wednesday, so I continued to go from time to time for kicks and a good laugh. I got to know Al after a while. I can’t say I liked his comedy as much as other people’s, but I respected the fact that he was doing the Open Mic and was interested in helping young comedians learn some ropes. I didn’t do to well as a comic, but I enjoyed a few laughs with Al, as well as some frosty brews. Later on, we would enjoy phone and text banter from time to time. We were friendly, friends even.
As such, I always enjoyed trying out material on Al, and bouncing around ideas with him. He could be pretty witty and had improvisational training, so I naturally thought of him as a candidate for my Evil experiment in humour. The following is the complete transcript of the original text message conversation between he and I:
Me: Don't be scared Alan. We don't want to hurt you. That's the last thing on our mind. I swear it. 11:31 PM
Al: No problem. I am never scared. And I am very difficult to kill. 11:33 PM
Me: We know. We've been watching you very closely. 11:35 PM
Al: I doubt that. Lol. 11:36 PM
Me: Don't think you're safe in Virginia. 11:41 PM
Al: I'm safe every where I go. Even in Wheeling. 11:42 PM
Me: We know what you did. 11:43 PM
Al: Cool. 11:43 PM
Me: We don't want to hurt you, we just want what's ours. Give us the children. 11:43 PM
Al: To late. I ate them already. 11:45 PM
Me: Regurgitate them. Immediately 11:49 PM
Me: You're a fool Perry. We'll get at you yet. 11:56 PM
Al: Bring it on b*****. Lol. 11:57 PM
Me: Evil will call again Alan Perry, and you'll answer the call. 11:59 PM
Al: You seem to be a lot of talk and no action. Lol 12:00 AM
Me: Don't be suprised when evil comes for you Perry! You'll be sorry! Very sorry for messing with EVIL!!!!!!!!! 12:01 AM
Al: Evil is my b*****. 12:03 AM
Me: You will be made evil's b**** on the stoop of hell's backdoor! We'll get you perry! We'll get you! 12:04 AM
Al: You keep saying that. 12:06 AM
Me: Don't be scared Alan. It's going to be ok. 12:11 AM
Al: I'm never scared. 12:13 AM
Me: Is that your girlfriends number you called from? 12:16 AM
Me: Can we call her too? Do you share? 12:18 AM
Me: Numbers that is. :) 12:20 AM
Me: Did you sleep well Alan? 12:55 PM
Al: Yup. 1:00 PM
Al: How did you sleep? 1:12 PM
Me: Oh you know, so-so. Had a case of the s**** 1:16 PM
Me: But that's not important now! You'll get what's coming to you Perry! 1:16 PM
Al: I know. I have such great Karma. 1:17 PM
Al: How do you pla on "getting me"? 1:23 PM
Not too bad. Good banter, funny over the top lines, and a little raunchiness. I didn’t think much of the whole thing other than Al definitely kept it up for a while, just like I thought he would. Good times.
That is until…doom came to town. I woke up one morning a few days later after not checking my messages and found a few I had received:
Al: You threaten me...fine. I don't give a f***. Because we both know you are nothing but a cowardly c*** stain who tries to hide behind anonymity. Threate 11:36 PM
Al: ning the kids though will NEVER be forgotten. So now I'M watching YOU. So watch your step C*** stain. 11:36 PM
Al: Stop being such pussy. You could never do s*** to me. You make veiled threats from hiding like a b****. You wanna piece of me then man up and do someth 1:10 PM
Al: Stop being such p*****. You could never do s*** to me. You make veiled threats from hiding like a b****. You wanna piece of me then man up and do something. 1:17 PM
Al: So like what exactly does a pathetic c*** stain like yourself think you could do to a man like me anyway? 1:19 PM
Me: Shut up Al. You got had. Obviously you know who this is, and I never threatened any kids. You on the other hand, have obviously freaked out, which is usually when I stop. Have fun being a daddy dawg. Get your s*** together and don't **** up, you have a kid on the way. XOXOXO -Rojo 6:12 AM
Al: You said you want what is yours. Give us the kids. I take that as a f****** threat c***stain. What sort of a p**** a** b**** makes threats from anonym 11:59 AM
Al: You said you want what is yours. Give us the kids. I take that as a f***** threat cuntstain. What sort of a pussy a** b***** makes threats from anonym 12:00 PM
Al: ity?. When I make a threat I make it in person. 12:00 PM
Al: If you ever come close to my family after making a threat like that Drew i will f****** kill you. Thats how you make a f****** theat C***stain. And ye 12:07 PM
Al: s. I tracked you down and I know who it is. Dumba**. So stay the f*** away from me. Got it? 12:07 PM
Al: Besides. How he f*** have I been had bitch?. You think I've been had because some cowardly f***** made anonymous threats from a disposable phone like a b 12:11 PM
Al: itch?. All this did was reveal to me that your mental illness is worse than I thought and i highlighted how much of a p***** you are which I already knew 12:11 PM
Al: BOY. 12:11 PM
Me: Dude, it's an easily traced google voice number, not a disposable one. I thought you understood the jokiness of the whole thing. Im sure you're feeling pretty hot right now so we'll just let you calm down. Peace there big fella, hope this works out for ya. 3:48 PM
Me: Sorry btw. If you can't respect an honest apology, then fine. Be that way. Ain't hurtin my feelins none. 3:54 PM
I was taken aback by this sudden shift. I mean, I didn’t think he was going to take a guy who told him to regurgitate children he had just eaten seriously as a threat. I’m still not sure what to make of it. It’s like he just decided to take the thing very, very seriously for some reason.
Despite my assurances to him that it was indeed just a prank and there was never any serious threat involved, he proceeded to bomb my Facebook profile with foul comments claiming that I was threatening his family from a disposable phone, and saying “Do you understand c***stain” or something no less than 5 times. He also posted that he had researched me and found out my criminal record indicating a violent pattern and told me I should watch what I say and who I say it to.
Well, it is true that in 2001 I was arrested (never convicted or found guilty of) for battery and in 2004 for resisting arrest. I was also found guilty of a DUI in 2005. These are very embarrassing things no doubt, but I’m not sure it indicates and genuine criminal pattern, just youthful mistakes I apparently still must pay for (or have expunged from my record if I can so this doesn’t happen again).
After blocking him from my profile for these actions, he took his retaliation against me for my “threat” to the event profile page for The 3rd Annual Haymarket Festival, where he began using my texts out of context and demanding people boycott the vent, since I have been one of the principal organizers over the last few years and I care very much about the event. Apparently Al has decided that I am now fair game because of my compulsion to prank, and anything I'm involved in is subject to his assault.
Oh, the shame. So many people who have worked so hard to build this event have now had their efforts put at risk by my shenanigans. I fear this prank call gone awry has now lead me and my friends down a path of doom and ruin and the fine cause of organized labor has lost a potential lighthouse. Woe unto those that prank I now say, and may never listen to the Jerky Boys again. This improbable and grotesque situation has me mired in the doom of it all
I have tried to contact Al since this all began, but he hasn’t been interested in talking much. When we did speak, he didn’t seem much interested in what I had to say, just saying that he didn’t care if it was meant as a joke, it wasn’t funny, and that I was a pussy because if you’re going to threaten somebody you should do it in person. The he hung up on me.
I did leave a choice voicemail or two stating that I felt he was willingly disconnecting from the reality of the situation because it gives him a rush to come after me, that I thought his comedy sucked, and that he creeped girls out and had bad breath. Mature? Probably not, especially since my comedy sucks, I creep out more women than any guy I know, and my occasional tonsil stones give me halitosis from fell.
I guess the mature thing to do was what I did right before I wrote this. I sent a text message that said:
Hey man, these prank texts have been a very unwise set of decisions for me and I would like to sincerely apologize for any unpleasantness I may have caused you. I now see what I was doing was wrong and hope you can forgive me.
I don’t know if this will pull off the savage attacks of that fat necked white buffalo in Virginia, and god knows what else he’s bound to do. He keeps insisting that I made some sort of genuine threat and that I must be taken to task for it. He even insists I was cowardly about it. WTF. The whole purpose of this piece is to make sure that anyone who wants can have my side of this twisted story before making their decision to boycott any festival.
It probably won’t help much and now the Haymarket Festival will be boycotted and it's all my fault. I assume my fellow organizers will be throwing me into a cage of fierce peacocks, wild on hunger and ibogaine. So fare thee well Drew Believers, and if we shall be speaking again I will probably be nursing the wounds of my severe peacock punishment and darning the day I brought Google Voice, Evil, and Alan Perry together.
Addendum: Now Alan has taken to the Illinois Times website. Great. Btw, censoring Al's profanity laced tirade of threats was exhausting. I'm of the opinion Ol Al has a little bit of a screw loose and that this whole thing is making him feel pretty big and powerful. I wish the guy the best, but then again I'm a terrorist, right?
For the record I want to correct a mistake Drew made in his comments below. Donny B's comedy Club does not charge five dollars for the Monthly Open Mic they put on. It is free to all who want to try it out. They have it on the third Wednesday of every month. I recommend that anyone who wants to give stand up a try to go sign up and do five minutes. Just make sure to use original material because as Drew say's, "Borrowing" material is seen as a "Big no no". lol